365 days

Sometimes music just says it all.  My heart hurts.  I've listened to this on repeat all day.

Training Two's...

There were 4 big goals I had for my big girl this year.  She has achieved all of them while amazing me along the way.

Potty training and saying goodbye to her beloved paci were the most recent two.

She got potty training faster than I thought was possible.  She doesn't like to be dirty, wet, or have a drop of anything on her clothes so after the first few times of being soaking wet, she became very aware of her body.

But with no diapers comes having to wake up in the middle of the night to go potty.  She hates to wear pull ups and when I try to put one on her, she proudly proclaims, "I don't want to wear that! I am a big girl!"

There are sometimes that pull ups are easier and a must.  ie: Aunt Lee's house with no water proof mattress... periodically, accidents still happen.

I've been told to choose your battles...so the pull up one doesn't get fought while she is awake...after she falls asleep, I put it on over her clothes.  Sneaky, I know.

Losing her paci was tough because I felt like she had to learn how to fall asleep all over again.  In the middle of the night if she lost it, she would just find it and put it back in her mouth and go back to sleep.  Now between no paci, and potty breaks in the middle of the night, we are up a lot some nights.

With all these new changes her sleep is interrupted which makes for some grumpy and tired days.  On top of being two.   Some call it the terrible two's, but I prefer to call it the teaching two's.  Or the teary two's.  Because lets just be honest, there are a lot of tears from her and ME!

Her favorite naughty thing to do it jump on the couch and for the life of me, I can not figure out why she does not understand that 1. when she falls off (which is often) she gets hurt and comes to me in despair on why the couch would hurt her.  2. we sit on the couch, or lay on the couch.  We don't stand or jump on the couch.  But it is still a daily battle if she will choose to obey or disobey.

I would be lying if I told you I wasn't OVER discipline, training, teaching and being consistant.   It is exhausting.  Tim leaves at 5am and sometimes doesn't get home until 8:30pm.  I find my patiences runs out way before then.

I don't want to be a grumpy mom.  I don't want to be a mom that is loving and nurturing from 9-5 but heaven help you after that.  I don't want to be like the card I saw recently that said, I woke up as Cinderella and went to bed a Cruella De Ville.

Gracie is changing physically, emotionally and even spiritually.  Her sin nature is more evident than ever.  But now is my chance to mold her heart.  Now is the foundation on her attitude, life and how she makes good decisions.  And quite frankly, that is extremely overwhelming.

I am thankful for the encouragement of moms that have traveled through the two's before me.  My sister was here this weekend and her reassurance that its all NORMAL was so comforting!

I've chosen to stay home most days instead of partake in play dates, or run errands because we are in such tough training.  But this season will get easier, and for now, "I am doing a great work, and I can not come down."

Be encouraged Momma's!  It's all Normal! Or so I am being told :)

Heavy Heart

Since Wednesday my heart has been really heavy for a precious family in our life.  It came to light that our Pastor from Orlando resigned at our church because of an extramarital affair.

It is times like this when I lay face first in front of a BIG and loving God and beg him to wrap His arms around the Hunter family.  

Because they are well known in Orlando, the media has gotten a hold of the story...people that do not like him or his family have gotten a hold of it, and then there are those that love them deeply and support them.

It makes me incredibly angry the things that people have had the nerve to say.  

Let's be really clear.  He is a man.  A sinner.  Who yes has made terrible choices, but that doesn't make him any different than me or YOU!  

He is wearing his sin on the outside now, whereas my sin is still hidden.  

My sin and your sin grieves the Father just like Isaac's does.

The fact that people can say intentionally mean and hurtful things about someone that is just like them makes me crazy!

As a Christian woman, wife, friend and mother, my heart breaks for them...and the judgement that he will get from the Judge will be enough.   Ours isn't needed.

We are not immune to Satan's schemes, temptations or lies.  He is the deceiver, and that is his job.

There are 3 kids that miss their daddy terribly.  A wife that has more questions than I am sure she knows what to do with, and a pastor, husband, father, son, brother and friend who is being tormented by Satan.  

Pray for them.  Beg God to intervene and save him from the grip of Satan's bondage.  Pray for him.  Pray that he will grab hold of the truth, and it will set him free.  Pray that he will remember "there is a God that is absolutely crazy about you".

Summit Church was build on Jesus Christ.  Not any man.  And because of that, Summit Church will thrive and bring Glory to Christ alone.

I am sure none of the Hunter's will read this, but if they do, know you are loved deeply and prayed for continually.  

Scraps

My grandmother is an amazing quilter.  There have been many quilts made and gifted to me and my family.  Each one is a treasure, and different than the one before.

I enjoy quilting myself.  I find it frustrating to do without the expertise of Grandma, but with the help of YouTube tutorials, I have survived.

I made this quilt for my dad out of my Nana's clothes.  That made me smile, and remember a lot of precious memories with her.  What makes the quilt are the memories that go with it.  Her Blue Blouse with the paint brush that always had a tissue in it.  Her white keds, her house slippers, and her red and white heart dress in the very middle.  That is what she was buried in.  She also wore it for Christmas and other special occasions.

I made this Christmas tree skirt for my mom and dad last week.  I loved praying for them the whole time I cut, pieced and quilted it together.  All the fabrics are different, and that reminds me of my very large and different family.

As I was cleaning up and organizing my quilting stuff to go back in the closet until the next project, I was about to throw out a big bag of scraps.  I felt like the Lord whisper, "dont waste it".

Waste it?  It's just scraps I thought.  Surely nothing of use could come out of this pile of trash.

But as quickly as I thought that, I had the urge to look through it to see if I did piece things together.  I wondered if I could make some 6x6 inch squares.

I don't like throwing things away or being wasteful (thats thanks to Nana and my Dad), especially if something beautiful is only a few hours and a few yards of fabric and thread away.  I began to piece, praying silently.

Wondering who it would be for, or what it would look like in the end.

Scraps.  I am a scrap.

I wonder how many scraps I have thrown away that really could have been used.  

I sometimes wonder how many truly beautiful things I've written off as trash.

As Gracie slept this afternoon, I stitched, and this is what was on the other side of that bag of trash.  

This trash now has the potential to bring joy to someone, keep someone warm, or just remind me-that my scraps complete something.  Without them, without me, God's masterpiece wouldn't be complete.  

There is something freeing about knowing that you can be used even with your trash.  

Be encouraged friends, God has a beautiful and elaborate plan for you...and those scraps. 

Sunflowers

Gracie and my mother in law planted sunflower seeds at the end of August.  Within a few days tiny sprouts we're desperately trying to get their head above the soil to see the sun.   They were fragile but determined.  It astounded me how quickly and how much they change daily.

Gracie and I have loved watering them every most mornings and watching them get bigger.  

Since the weather has gotten more fall-like, I have been doing my quiet time on the balcony, and have found myself starring a lot at the sunflower plants.

It's just like God to teach you something through something as simple as a small sunflower seeds that have turned into a plant nearly as tall as Gracie.

I tend to be pretty visual, so when I see something that is struggling because of a lack of water, I wonder.  That's just like me...when I don't feed myself things full of nutrients, I begin to wither.  It's a slow process but faster than you may think.

When a full day goes by that we forget to do something as simple as pour some water on the sunflowers soil, they look really sad.  Begin to droop and shrivel up.   I am sure if they had the ability to   tell me their feelings it would be something like, "You forgot about me!" "You don't care!" "You say you will take care of me but don't!"

I have loved observing how these plants grow and lean towards the sun.  I think that is my favorite part.   They stretch their tiny limbs out and lean towards the good stuff.   

There have been some storms that have come and the wind has gotten pretty strong.  They whip around and just when I think they are going to break, they don't.  Because before they grew up, they grew down.   The roots are deep and strong.  They have done all the work to ensure they are able to withstand wind, rain and even a two year olds torture.

There is now finally a little bulb on the top that is going to be a beautiful sun flower.  I want it to bloom so bad!  I want it to open so I can see its beauty, but currently, it's not ready.  The Maker hasn't said it's time yet.  So I wait.

As I sit and think of the lessons from my sunflower plant, it kind of takes my breath away.  Because I know it is not just coincidence.  It is a whisper.  From the Son, to me, one of His plants, that sometimes feels very forgotten about.

Lessons that even a little green plant can teach you:

Plant yourself in a nutritious soil, free from weeds.  And wait.  

Feed yourself daily.  Every morning preferably.  When the end of the day comes, you won't feel weary, or wilted.

Make sure you are in the sunlight.  Grow towards Him!  Stretch out those arms and enjoy the sunlight! 

Don't get frustrated by the growth time.  Your roots have to grow first.  Growth is happening even if its not on the surface.

When you least expect it, you may see a beautiful flower bloom.  It will make it easier to continue on the journey.  The flowers are the little things the Maker rewards you with...to keep you encouraged and walking on the journey, looking for more flowers.

I want my life to be full of flowers.  Don't you?



The plants have been watered, and so has my soul.  Happy Sabbath Day!

Wait.

Yesterday was a hard day.  Sometimes I get discouraged by the amount of those days that come.  I try to be very intentional, to be thankful in all things and always counting my blessings...and even in the joy, hard days come.  Then I realized, no matter how positive my out look on life is, this world is full of sin, and until I am reunited with my Father, those days are going to come.

One year ago I conceived a baby that now resides in heaven.

Be still and know...

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

"After a miscarriage, you are very fertile...I think you will be pregnant in no time"...

2 months.

4 months.

6 months.

Wait.

"I feel like your thyroid may be enlarged, lets get that checked out to see if that is normal."

Wait.

"You are a new patient?  Ok, our first available appointment is in 7 weeks."

Wait.

"All of your blood work is normal, and your thyroid appears to just be how your thyroid anatomy is, but we will do an ultrasound to rule out any disease.  In two weeks."

Wait.

"Thank you for your inquiry and desire to be a Foster Parent, unfortunately you do not qualify at this time."

No.

I do not know or understand why the answers keep being wait and no.

It's hard to have the capacity and desire to love on babies...even other people's babies and not be given the chance.  It's even harder when the doubts come that He is holding out on me.  Punishing me.

I usually fight those pretty good..but you can only fight for so long before you need a break.  And just need your sister to cry with you on the phone.  That was yesterday.

Sometimes the pain is just to remind us that this isn't our final destination.  The ache and disappointment is real.   And deep.   But since you can only feel one emotion at a time, I will choose to desperately, intentionally and whole heartedly choose to see my days with Gracie as a gift.   I refuse to look back over the most fun years of her life and have regret.  Because what if God doesn't bless me with anymore children?  What if she is my one and only...I will enjoy her.  Color with her.  Do check up's all day long.  Draw on big cardboard boxes, do crafts, swim, and play hide and seek.

I am in a season of waiting.  But I won't sit around and wait.  I will do and be.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

A letter to myself

Read about the book and the challenge to write yourself a letter. 

Dear 16 Year old Lis,

You are young, and at a vital crossroad in your life.  This is fertile soil you are laying, and it will determine your life in the next 10-15 years.  Ponder your path choices carefully and make a decision with your head, not with your heart.  Your heart is deceitful about all things, you will soon find out.

If I could take you to Twistie Treat, I would beg for you to understand some things.

Your dad does know what he is talking about...He is wise and loves you more than you can imagine.  He is going to have really hard conversations with you.  The sooner you come to understand that he is not trying to ruin your life, but give you the best one possible, the better off you will be.  No boy stands a chance to your dad.  No matter what boys tell you.  Promises will be broken, and your heart will shatter, but your dad will not change.  He will remain steadfast, begging God to reveal to you what is right, true, and good.  Don't be afraid to blindly trust your dad.  He is trusting His Dad on your behalf.

You will clash with your mom.  Often.  She does not understand all your emotions, but she will be one of your best friends and greatest role models later.  Learn.  Read what she reads.  Watch her habits and rituals.  Find your place, and meet your Father there daily.  You will fear the conversation that will come after the breakup, but those words will never come... "I told you so" won't cross her lips, she will hug you tight and just whisper, "I am so sorry!"  Inside, she will be celebrating, because she knows that in the next couple of weeks, through counseling, you are going to find yourself.  Lies are going to be undone, things are going to come to light, and you are going to understand God's goodness in not giving you what you prayed for.

Friends come and go, but your sister is in a whole different league.  You will think you won't ever be able to have a relationship with your sister while your in the midst of your darkness, but fear not, young soul, she will be your greatest ally and biggest cheerleader.  She will also tell you when you are seriously out of line and are just being a big brat.  You will watch her family grow from one precious girl to 4, and you will love those children like your own.  You will have a sister that is a Mother of Many Nations, and a hero to three little girls that she rescued.

The man of your dreams IS out there.  You will meet him after hours of weeping before the Father and giving up your dreams, asking Him to make them new.  Little will you know that 7 weeks later you will be engaged and on your happy way planning a wedding.  But in the midst of the excitement of planning the wedding, don't forget to plan the marriage.  Be intentional.  Begin laying the foundation of what your marriage is going to be built upon.  Because it gets hard fast, and if your foundation is not built on Christ, it will crumble.  You will see.

Life at 16 is hard, but it's even harder at 28.  At 28 you will have grown more than you realize.  Don't be overwhelmed.  Focus on baby steps.  Don't beat yourself up for being "ultra emotional", embrace it.  It is how you were crafted, and if your family didn't need you in it, God wouldn't have placed you there.  But there you are.  Smack dab in the middle of a big, loud, loving family.  The creme of the Oreo.  The sweetest part.  The heart of it, if you will.

Choosing joy and fighting Satan will be a battle you have to fight daily.  Keep fighting.  It does matter.  Be tough.  Get dirty.  Fight.  There is only one of you, and this world needs you.  You feel like you don't have anything to offer, and fail more than you succeed but each day that goes by is one day closer to eternity.

Don't hold everything in. Or anything back.  You might not get tomorrow.  People you love may be taken away.  Your heart will break in ways that you still don't understand or comprehend how it is going to work for the good, but He says it will.  He doesn't lie.

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.  Find your life long friends and feel safe.  Be you.  The you that was created to bring Glory to the Father alone.

Love,
28 year old you.

My family.

There is a really big tribe that I am a part of.  The Woodall Tribe.

Growing up, they were my first friends...and now my cousins are still more like siblings than cousins.

I never realized that a lot of families are NOT like mine--I always assumed that everyone was as close to their cousins as I was...

There are a lot of things that the Woodall Tribe does.  Some good and some not so good.  Like for instance, we are not very good at keeping secrets.  Some have a harder time than others.  But like grandpa always used to say, "I have 11 grandkids, and only one of them is retarded".

I won't leak who the big mouths of the family are...depending on who you ask, they may say I am one!

Grandpa died before he ever told us who the retarded one was.  Of course, at some point, I am sure it was each of us!

The Woodall tribe Prays.  And we do that really well.

Yesterday, the golden gates of heaven were flooded as we each were on our knees begging for God's mercy and grace for Isaac and Esther.

There was not a lot of information immediately, just a lot of tears.  Isaac had been run over by a van and was being air lifted to Boston's Children's hospital.

What?! How? What happened?

Oh, God, please...be near.  Hold him.  Breathe life into his 4 year old body.

He was conscious and screaming upon being put in the helicopter was the next update.

Oh, God, thank you!  Keep kicking and screaming, buddy!

Most of the day yesterday we all cried.  But in our deep cries, we prayed.  And so many other people did as well.  This was the body of Christ in action.

Broken ribs, lacerated spleen, bruised lung, and head injury.  ICU was in his near future.  But Oh, God.  Thank you!

Thank you for the pictures of that sweet boy- thank you that he is awake.  Thank you for those tubes.  Thank for ICU.  Thank you that His daddy is with him now.  Thank you for grand dad and watching Thomas the train.   He is alive.  What a miracle.

I love what my cousin Esther said, "Doctors say he was really "lucky". I say its only the Lord that could spare my son's life today."

 Oh, with all due respect Dr. taking care of Isaac.  If you could know the God we know.  If you could understand that this had nothing to do with "luck"... But mercy, grace and the hand of the GREAT Physician!

My prayer is that Isaac reveals that to the Dr's while he is visiting.  That there is no doubt when that boy is discharged.  May that Dr. know he is watching a miracle walk out his door.

Prayers are still needed.
Isaac's recovery will be a long 2 months.  Please pray for a speedy and complete recovery.  Little pain, and strength for his mom and dad as they care for him.
Esther- her elbow was run over by the tire.  She is in a lot of pain.  Please pray for rest and full recovery so she can keep her house up and running.
Mike- he is a full time seminary student.  Pray that he can keep up with all his work while keeping his family up and running.
Oliver- is 2 and a boy! And just wants Isaac to play I am sure!  Please pray for his little heart while all this goes on.

We are SO thankful for the gift of Isaac and his little life.

If this isn't a picture of the Father's Love, I don't know what is.

THANK YOU for your prayers on my family's behalf.  God is good all the time!

Half way...but maybe not?

August was the two year mark of packing up a U haul and getting on i 95 and crying the whole way to Miami.  I wonder if it is something I will always remember.  It is pretty much stained in my mind.  Saying "goodbye" to my dad, mom and sister...pretty much one of the hardest days of my life to date.

This morning I woke up at 4am when Gracie came in asking for juice and I couldn't fall back to sleep.  The words of my mom played over and over in my mind as I was laying there. "If you are up, get up, and meet with Jesus".  So I did.  

Last week we celebrated Tim's White Coat Ceremony.  It was a great celebration.  Every medical school is different and some times they give the students their white coat when they start school, and some get it half way through.  It is kind of like a graduation from the classroom and the beginning of being in the hospital.

They said at orientation if you get your white coat, you will graduate.  Can I get a hallelujah?!  

They also said that the first two years are the hardest.  Since we have not done the last two years, I can't say I agree...but I love the word "easier".  

So far its been pretty hard.  Mostly because really big decisions have to be made.  

In the midst of one of my can't-stop-the-tears sessions yesterday, He spoke.  

Either you trust me Lis, or you don't.  Just follow me.  Walk where I lead.  Go where I say.

Go? He told Jonah to go and when he disobeyed he was swallowed by a FREAKING WHALE!  Not going isn't an OPTION!  I do not want to end up in the belly of a whale! 

Go happily?  Oh that's a different subject entirely.  

If being in medical school has taught me anything it's that at 28 years old, obedience and a good attitude are not always easy.  But necessary...and sometimes I get sent to my room until I can come out and have another chance.

I know what I want.  I know what I think that looks like.  I know the desire of my heart, and so does He.  (I think I make it loud and clear!)

But I can't help but think...what if He does give me the desire of my heart, but it doesn't look like I think it looks like.  

I want to be packing a U Haul and heading back to Orlando for residency.  There are 85-100 applicants for that residency, and they take...wait for it...2.  

2!!!!  

Thats like...well, I can't do math, but NOT a very good statistic for ME.

Good thing God doesn't go by statistics.  Because even if there were 2 applicants, and 100 spots, if it isn't His will, it isn't happening...something else I have learned in medical school.  And I am not the one paying tuition.   

Ask and He will give you the desire of your heart?  I am asking. 

"If you find life difficult because you are doing what God says, trust Him.  He knows what He is doing and will keep on doing it." I Peter 4:19 

Keep on doing it, Lord.  I don't want to miss this.  I want to be no where else but your will...even Orlando.  (If you don't put me in Orlando, can you PLEASE bring my sister to me????)

Pray for us as we seek His hand and His will.  It truly is the desire of our heart to be no where else but exactly where He wants us to be.  I want to go happily.  But sometimes my feet don't get the memo. 

Speak Lord, your servant is listening. 

Books Read in 2012. So far :)

1.  Life Interrupted- Priscilla Shirer
2.  The Meaning of Marriage- Tim Keller.
3.  The Money Saving Mom - C. Paine
4.  The Power of a Praying Wife - S. Omartian
5.  When Life is Hard - J. Macdonald
6.  Jesus Calling - Daily devotional
7.  Beautiful Outlaw - J. Eldredge
8.  Real Marriage - M/G. Driscoll
9.  A Confident Heart - R. Swope
10.  Incredible Toddlers - C. Stratton
11.  Parenting is Heart Work - Dr. Turansky
12.  You're Already Amazing - H. Gerth
13. Through my Eyes - T. Tebow
14.  Bloom- K. Hampton
15.  Enemies of the Heart- A. Stanley
16.  Made to Crave. L. TerKeurst
17.  Make the Terrible Two's Terrific
18.  Grace for the Good Girl- E. Freeman
19.  Love Does, B. Goff
20.  4:8 Principle, T. Newberry
21.  Good to Great in God's eyes -C. Ingram
22.  The Upside down Marriage - J. Keller
23.  Unglued - L. TerKeurst
24.  Mended, A. Smith

Trash

Over the last 14 months, Trash has been on my list of blessings.  Strange right?

My amazing, brilliant and talented real estate broker of a brother in law has a management company that manages a shopping center 25 miles north of us.   He hired us to pick up trash 3 times a week, and we have done it for the last 14 months.  It has been a HUGE blessing to our finances.  And strangely enough, to my heart and growth too.

Since Tim's schedule this semester barely leaves any room for him to even sleep at night, Gracie and I are doing it by ourselves.  It takes a little longer, but allows for some rockin' girl dates at the chick fil a play ground with tea after we are done.

Yesterday while I was wearing my over sized latex gloves, sweat pouring from my brow, pushing Gracie in the stroller while she watched Doc McStuffins on my phone, I couldn't help but think...about trash...about the people that put it there, and about my own trash in my life.

If you spent one day with me at the center, you would quickly realize that a lot of people are being held captive by the addiction of nicotine and alcohol.   It's really sad.  I don't know them specifically, but I do know that they probably don't feel like they can live without it.  Make it through a day.  Function properly.

When I noticed an old, unwrapped McDonald's sandwich on the ground, untouched by bugs and looking like it was "fresh" off the grill, I wanted to gag.  Seriously, if bugs don't want to eat it, WHY do humans?  But... as soon as that thought came, so did another.  Maybe all they had was $1.49 to spend on a meal.  Maybe they feed their babies fruit and whole grain food to ensure their health and are choosing to suffer for the sake of the ones they love most.   Ouch, Lord.

Trash has changed me.  Not because I don't have any, but because I do.   Maybe it isn't thrown on the ground but thrown around in my heart or at the people I love most.   Maybe it isn't a cigarette butt--maybe lack of faith.  Maybe not a beer can, but an obsession about being in control.

Doesn't Jesus do to me, what I do for the center?  Walk around picking it up and saying, "I will take care of this for you?"  

So often we believe the nasty lie that because our trash isn't showing, we don't have any.

Oh the lies that Satan convinces us of:
No one knows.  It doesn't matter.
This isn't hurting anyone else.
I am right, and they are wrong.
Other people agree with me, so this isn't about me.
At least my trash doesn't smell as bad as________.

Friends when we do that, the trash picker-upper walks away--because in a sense, we are saying we can take care of our own trash.  Until it looks like this.  Over flowing.  Not able to be contained.

Everyone's trash looks and smells different.  But don't be deceived.  It ALL smells and looks bad to them.  We don't need someone reminding us of it.  We need someone to love us in spite of it.

This week I have heard many things that have absolutely BROKEN my heart.  Families being tested, mom's begging for answers on behalf of her sick baby, an anniversary of a loved one that was tragically lost, divorce, shame, regret, deep agony because of someone else's trash.

I drove home from the center pondering a simple but profound truth.

I get paid to pick up other's trash, but He paid to pick up mine.  

Not with a simple check that comes to the mailbox every month, but with His life.  Not because of...but in spite of! 

Focus on your own trash.  Not someone else's.  No matter how you think you can justify it to yourself.  Your trash stinks just as bad as theirs.  If I want to be loved through my trash, I have to love through theirs.

Pray for those that you know are deeply troubled.  Beg for God's grace, and direction when you know people feel like they are drowning in trash, maybe not of their own.

Carry their burden to the Father, lay it at His feet, and ask Him to clean it up.  He will.

My two and a half year project

I am an achiever.  It is one of the top "strengths" God cursed blessed me with.  Although I can see the strength of it, I see the weakness of it a lot too.  Too often I achieve something that is not attainable.  I want to achieve my to do list,  to be list, and how you think of me list.

That's why being a stay at home mom can be hard.  For me at least.  I won't pretend that I have done a national survey that says something about 79.4% of SAHM's nationwide feel like...blah blah.  I haven't and to be transparent, that stresses me out.  A lot.  

My very first job was babysitting my niece Lauren when Sarah had to work a couple days a week.  It was fantastic.  I got paid to play and shop with that little treasure.  Which by the way, she is almost 12 and I do not know what to do with myself!  Make. Her. Stop. Growing!

I love to work.  I have worked since I was 14. Because I love to achieve.  I have been abundantly blessed by being able to work from home for Circle while living in Miami, and it has been great.  I get to see my work benefit the school, families and others.  I get to see my hours of work come to life on a website that makes me want to pull my hair out, but also makes me pat myself on the back and say, "I did that!"

Here is what is hard for me.  Being a stay at home mom, I don't feel like I achieve much.

Tim and I went to Washington, DC for a few days last week and Gracie stayed with Sarah and Andrea.  After Sarah dropped Gracie off at Andrea's house she called and pour water all over my dry "achiever" garden.

I got off the phone and just cried.  She didn't have to, and I didn't ask "how have I done" but her phone call just to tell me that she thought I was an amazing mom, and had done an amazing job with Gracie was what I needed.  Because honestly, when I left her with Sarah on Saturday, the fear of oh my gosh, "I am not going to be there for three days and have NO idea how she is going to act," was a very real fear.  I felt like I was turning over my 2.5 year work project to be graded.  Critiqued.  By one of the very best mom's in my world.

Even stay at home mom's can achieve great things.  But a lot of the time they need someone from the outside to remind them of all they are achieving.  To point it out.  To bring light to it.

Who needs your encouragement today?  Who can you tell, "you are doing a great job with your kids".  If they need to hear it as much as I did, it will bring life to their soul, and if nothing else, convince them that they can do one more day.

Be encouraged friends,  The one who calls you is faithful to do it!  I Thes 5:24

Thank you, Sarah and Andrea for loving on my girl while I was gone.  She LOVED being with you!

I'm bothered!

I've been bothered the last couple of weeks, and can't seem to shake it.  

Why you ask?  Well you didn't really, but if you don't want to know go back to Facebook or Pinterest. 

Christmas is hitting stores everywhere and people don't like it.  That bothers me.  Not because I love Christmas, which is absolutely true, but because I love the Christmas story.  

When did we forget that its not about the tree, the decorations or the mile long to do list?  When did we forget that it was about a virgin who had a name, who was scared out of her mind, but who faithfully and blindly followed the angels instructions?  

If we saw a nativity scene set up all year long would we make comments to our best friends or update our Facebook status to read, "Unbelievable!  Don't they know it is only August?!" 

Christmas is one special boys birthday.  Thats all.  And we are allowed to participate in the miracle of it. Even in August.

Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating for all things christmas to be set up in Target all year long, although you will not find me disapproving.  

What would it look like if we really celebrate the Christmas story year round?  Wouldn't it put a smile on someones face?  Can't the Christmas cheer be spread even when you can't walk to your mailbox to get the mail without looking like you just ran a full marathon?  

What would your heart feel like if you took everything about the holidays that stressed you out and only participated in the things that made your heart swell?  Packing a shoe box for a child with less than most American children?  Inviting a friend over for dinner that doesn't have family in the area?  Buying a little something for someone unexpectedly just to let them know you were thinking about them?  Here are some ways!

I want to live every day of my life celebrating the miracle of Christmas and the redemptive love of Easter.  No matter what time of year.  I really want to be changed by the words in Luke 2.  

One of my greatest joys of expecting Gracie was preparing her room.  I organized and re-organized it a million times over.  I would tell Tim, "I got her room perfect today," and the next day it would be different.  

It wasn't perfect.  But He was.  His room was a barn, on top of hay, with animals surrounding Him.  Not with the paparazzi, and every family member waiting for their turn to hold this newborn King.  

I don't like that part of the story.  I don't like that from the very first breath He took on the very earth He created, He was already serving.  

My King was born, in a barn, and died on a cross...for me...and you! 

Don't let that pass you by.  Don't make Christmas anything that it isn't but make it everything it is!  

We then have the audacity to make comments about His birthday and how its "too soon" and "really, already?"  

My feelings would be flat out hurt, and I would just be mad.  That's the difference between me and Jesus.  

What would we be like if we celebrated Christmas more like a King's birthday and less like a Santa filled, commercialized holiday of pretend merriness?

What if we stopped competing with all of our friends to give our kids the best presents on our street and gave the best present away?  Your credit card, and your heart would thank you.   As would the generation coming up behind you and the Legacy you are leaving for them.

I love Christmas, and love every tradition that my parents set up for us as a family.  My most favorite of all, however, is the Luke 2 story.  Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without my dad's booming voice reading those words..."In those days Caesar Augustus"...

Christmas this year will already be different for me.  It will be Nana's first Christmas in Heaven, and the first one in 10+ years that I haven't fixed her Spode dinner plate full of all her favorites.  "That too much!" she would say, but clean off every crumb.  

Do me a favor?  When you see those Christmas decorations hitting the stores nearest to you, don't huff and puff.  Worship.  Smile and sing Happy Birthday to the King that saved you from yourself.  Christmas isn't about you anyways...unless you were born on December 25th and then I have news for you, its still not about you.  

Don't take for granted hearing your hero read the Christmas story, or fixing a dinner plate.  This may the last year for it anyways.

It's the most wonderful time of year!!!

What do you do when the next chapter of your life wasn’t one that you ever dreamed of having to write?  What if the Creator of the Universe already had your story written long before you were given a name, took a breath or had your first birthday?


Continue reading.  Visit me at a precious friends blog where I am her honored guest. 

Lets go there, shall we?

I should have known.  All the signs were there.  A terrible headache.  Not sleeping great.  No real desire to do much of anything except eat Oreos and donuts.

A couple weeks ago, I went and sat with Jim Keller.  He is an amazing man, counselor and my most expensive friend.  :)  I went to see him because I felt like I needed to know if I was "coping" with this whole thing like a normal person, or if I was what I felt...a hot mess.

The good news is my heart is healing.  The bad news is it may never be like it was before December 14th.  Although I wish Jim had a magic formula for me to be on my happy way of never crying these tears again, he did have some advice that I took him up on today.

Embrace it and go there.  Cry. Wish for what was.  Mourn.  As many times as it takes.

So today I did just that.

Tim said I didn't seem like myself over the last couple days and asked the famous why question. I pictured him dipping his finger into the temperature of my heart as if to say, "are we ok?  I haven't done something, have I?"

"Just sad," I said.

"I know.  I've been thinking a lot about her today too.  What it would have been like to have two right now...to have another little one again."

Gulp.  Heart breaking again.

So lets just go there, shall we?

I want watch this grow. FOR A REASON! 

I want to replace the stained image in my mind of one of these, but see this.

I want to hear that scream.

I want this moment.

I want to fall asleep like this.

I want a room full of the people that love me best, starring.

I want to give him number ten.

I want him to work like this.

I want to see her face light up like only an "I am your big sister" snuggle could do.

As the day ends and my tears dry, I am thankful.  Even for this.  Thankful for the memories and the smiles that I found going through pictures and videos tonight.  Thankful for how this too is going to be part of my story.

"For now, while we still have such a hard time realizing that what's good is not always best, suffering still has a function.  As nothing else can, it moves us away from demanding what's good...towards desiring what's better...until heaven provides what's best." Larry Crabb

Got to go.  I have a hair appointment with a certain two year old that is still trying to understand "gentle"

You're Already Amazing!

Courtney asked me to write a little blog on a favorite book I read a couple months ago!  She is giving one away!

Hop over to her blog to find out how to win!

Lil Light O' Mine

Happy Saturday!

Great People

Chip Ingram wrote a great book called "Good to Great in God's eyes".

He takes you through Ten Practices that Great Christians have in Common.

One being, Pursue Great People.

Michael Josephson says, "Toxic relationships not only make us unhappy; they corrupt our attitudes and dispositions in ways that undermine healthier relationships and prevent us from realizing how much better things can be". 

You are on to something there, Mr. Josephson!

We all know toxic relationships.  What concerns me is when you don't know you are in one, or worse, ARE one!  You are so far into it that you don't see reality.

I've been thinking recently about my relationships.  I've been doing a relationship check.  Do I feel alive and encouraged when I am with that person or drained and dead?  Am I sharped like iron as Proverbs talks about?  Do I feel safe with them and the things I share from my heart?

Who in your life do you need to pursue ?  Who do you need to take a couple steps away from?

Toxic relationships are everywhere because Satan is alive and well--- life is hard and hurtful---and people don't seek forgiveness, reconciliation and grace.   Sometimes you can't get away from them.

You can, however, Pursue Great People!

Treat yourself to someone who pursues greatness.  Your soul will be recharged, and your other relationships will bloom!

Board Exam Scores are out!

I never doubted my brilliant, Dr. Husband!  He passed Boards part 1!!!!

They say if you pass boards part one, you will graduate, and I say, lets wear the cap and gown, take the Hippocratic Oath, and be done already!  =)

I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of that man.  He has worked his rear end off for the last two years!

I would be lying if I told you that it didn't feel like we just climbed Mount Everest.  But we are at the summit now, resting and enjoying some down time before he wears his white coat, and hits the hospitals for his next 2 years of clinical rotations.

THANK YOU for praying with us and for him.  We serve a big God... who fills in big gaps when we have reached our limits.

Soli Deo gloria!

How's your foundation?

My parents took their 5 kids and spouses, and  7 grandchildren on a vacation of a life time.  It was an awesome, memory making, laughing our butts off 6 days!  I love coming from a big family, and love having siblings that are truly my best friends.

The reason for our trip was bitter sweet.  We were able to go because Nana's address was changed permanently to a golden Heaven PO box, and the inheritance that she left was divided between her 3 children.

My grandfather was a USPS letter carrier.  He walked faithfully in the hot Florida sun for 20+ years.  But more than that, He walked in the Son for even longer.  My grandparents lived a very frugal, simple life.  My grandmother stayed home with her children, never got her drivers license, but left a legacy that most only read about.

My grandfather never made more than $30,000 a year, but set my grandmother up to be taken care of with dignity until Jesus called her home 15 years after Papa went.  She was never a burden to any of her children because of the careful planning and simple living they did for years.

In her death, she gave her children and grandchildren an inheritance that allowed us to make amazing memories.

When I grieve, I tend to pour myself into something- may not be the best coping mechanism, but its just me, I guess.

I started cutting up Nana's clothes to make a quilt.  It was something that we could have forever.  In 8 days, I completed 3 of them.  One for my dad, and one for my aunt and uncle.  I smiled and with every stitch thought of all the times she had worn those shirts, dresses and pants.   I am forever changed by Grace Werner.

At the end of our vacation, my mom and dad gave the grandchildren a bear they had made out of one of Nana's shirts.  "Nana bears!"

Since we left I haven't stopped thinking about a simple truth.    At the end of your life, what will be given away?

At the end of Nana's life, there was 19 people gathered in a room, with one foundation.  Nana and Papa's desire was that the foundation of the Werner family be built on Jesus Christ.  The Werner girls have different last names now, but the foundation remains the same.

With all the events of this world, its quite clear that a lot of people do not hold true to that foundation.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

How is your foundation?  If it's cracked, fix it.  Quickly.  If it's strong, its likely you need to thank a generation or two ahead of you.

Nana's great grandchildren

Thanks Nana and Papa, Dad and Mom for an amazing week.  I can't stop smiling!

Light 'em up!

Let me tell you about Courtney.   She is awesome.  She is my moms neighbor and I have to fight being envious every time I think that she is mom's neighbor and not MINE!  I've prayed for a neighbor like her...in Miami...but alas, the Lord answered it in Orlando!  GO FIGURE!  =)

She and her family moved to Orlando from Atlanta and I have LOVED getting to know her, laughing with her, and running with her when I am at moms.  She has an amazing business and blog.

She is insanely creative and a brillant writer.  She's honest and transparent, and hello, I love that.  Her kids disobey, make a mess and laugh their butts off.  She's a Proverbs 31 mom and wife.

When we first met, I devoured her blog..reading all that she had written--the girl is hilarious!

This blog post I loved!! Going out of your way for strangers, teachers, friends or someone who needs a little "happy" around the holidays.

Of course I didn't know her at Christmas.  DERN!  But have thought about this idea ever since.

How can we make people smile in July?

July is the beginning of Christmas music, shopping, and merriness in MY house so this was the month to start for me!  But where?  How?

Then it happened...God spoke...and I kind of froze.  I had been asking Him to show me ways I could love on people...and there He was, telling me how, and I just stood there pretending He was talking to Gracie.  Gracie, obey your mother!   Ok, that wasn't what I heard.  At all.

Now Lord?  Right here?  On THIS guy?! 

Yes, Lis.  Yes. YES!  RIGHT NOW!

OK! Ok!

I am in line at Publix getting a few groceries.  Gracie is in the 'car cart' and asking for a red balloon.  The red balloon that was over his head by only an inch or so.  He is a tall, slender man.  If you go to the Baldwin Park Publix, I am sure you know who I am talking about.  He is a sweet and precious guy who has worked there for years.  When I lived here, I would look for him to go to his line.  I would try to start up conversations.  He is either very introverted, or just doesn't like people.  I'm going with the introvert.

There was no bagger in his lane, so after he scanned the groceries, he bagged them himself.  It took a little while longer because of him doing a two person job, but he didn't seem to mind.  He probably preferred it.  Since I'm not an introvert I don't get it, but those introverts tell me they'd rather be alone!  =)  Isn't that the weirdest thing you have ever heard?!  Who wants to be alone????

"$35.16," he says.

I freeze. The Lord chimes in.  No, thats not the right one, Lis.  Ask him.

I get brave.  Pointing to the candy section behind me, I make eye contact, "I was wondering which of these treats are your favorite?"

He looks at me puzzled.

I continue.  "I appreciate the work you have done for me, and since Publix has a no tipping policy, I would like to buy you a little treat."

He looks shocked.  "Really?"

Yes!

He stumbles, I smile.  Now at least he knows how I FEEL!

"I love Reeces, they are my favorites."

"Great!  I love those too!"  I hand them to him to ring up.

$36.18 the cash register now reads.  Now can I swipe my card, Lord?

Yes, now.

A smile.  "Thank you so much...that was so"....he pauses... because he can't find the words..."kind."  He becomes chatty and finally hears Gracie say, "May I have a RED balloon, please".  He never seemed so excited to give a balloon away.

Gracie waves as we start to drive that car cart away..."goodbye!! See you next time!"

I smiled the whole way home.  I found my way to light 'em up.  No matter the time of year!

I dare you to try it!  I kind of can't wait to go back to Publix!

Thanks Court!

Life Partner

Do you have a life partner?  Someone besides your spouse?

A sister? Friend? Mentor?

The older I get the more I am convinced that the greatest thing the Lord has given us on this side of heaven besides our salvation and the word of God is people.  Relationships.  It is the only thing that will remain beyond this life.

I don't want to sound like a hallmark card, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

In the middle of the night, when this treasure was born, she was there.  In the OR I knew she was on the other sides of the door waiting to snuggle Gracie and praying.  She is an amazing prayer warrior. 

She is the worlds greatest mom.   Never a time goes by that I am not with her that I learn something, or want to be more like her.  I love that when she goes out of town, and she gives me the honor of watching her girls, they often say, "you do things just like my mom does, you must be sisters."  I love that her girls let me love them, and feel safe with me.   I love that when the girls are with me, and a stranger refers to me as their mom, or them as my kids, her kids just smile...then we get in the car and they say, "they thought you were our MOM!"

I love raising babies with her.  I love that she loves Gracie like her very own.  Gracie is crazy about her Sassy.  I am pretty sure Gracie thinks that Sassy's one and only role in this life was to give her cousins that she refers to as, "my girls."

There was a time in my life when she wanted to kill me, smack me, shake me, thought I was annoying, obnoxious, and immature.  Ha! She may still think that BUT she didn't give up on me.  She believed God had bigger and better things.  Of course she was right.  Aren't older sisters always right?

She gives me perspective.  Isn't afraid to tell me when my thinking is off, lets me vent, lets me cry and even on the hardest of days says, "even on the hardest of days, WE choose JOY!"  

She is selfless, funny and extremely generous.   

There was this lie I believed when I moved...it really was my biggest fear of moving away from Orlando...that I would be forgotten by her or replaced.  She has made it a point to be my biggest support, cheerleader and the person I do life with.  We are closer than we have ever been or I ever thought possible. 

We share some very good secrets, inside jokes, and stories.  But I am pretty sure we share a part of our brain and heart.  

That's the joy of having a sister.

I understand the rare and God given relationship we share- and I don't take it for granted. 

Sassy Joy, you are exactly that! Sassy and full of Joy!  I love your love for life, your family, friends, orphans and your selfless quest to do all that you can to make this world more like Jesus.   You are an inspiration to me and many others that call you a friend.  Sucks for them they can't call you a sister!  Thank you for loving me, crying with me, dreaming with me, and making me laugh until my face hurts!   I love doing life with you but even more than that, love that our mansions are going to be right next to each other on those golden streets.  Can't wait to see you tomorrow!

Happy D Day, dear Baby Hope!

If you prayed for me today, thank you.  I felt them.  My sister and her girls were here all day and we really had a great day.  I only cried for a few minutes, a few times!  Your prayers worked...carried me, and I am so thankful.

Tim had a big exam today, and then we went to cheesecake factory.

Then it was back home to decorate and write notes to Hope to send to Heaven.

We got Gracie's off---well, kind of.  We went to the roof (7th floor)--mistake number one.  Trying to launch them with some wind.  Mistake number two.  Tim dropping if off the 7th floor and it falling to the ground---mistake number 3!  BUT thank the Lord, it then took off.. the bad part, we missed half of it as we were running for cover afraid we were going to set the whole building on fire.

We have concluded that our other launchings will happen on family vacation at the beach in a couple weeks---we will all be together and over WATER which sounds very safe!

Here are some of the pictures I did get before running for cover.  

It was a precious day--and as Lauren said when she was leaving tonight, "just imagine, Nana and Hope smiling in Heaven."  That makes me smile, and cry happy tears! 

Today ends one chapter, tomorrow starts a new one.  I am thankful we get to play with Sarah and the girls tomorrow too!

Thank you for all your prayers.  They mean more than you know!