Things I have learned through this:
Emotions hit at different times with different intensities. And I thought PMS was bad. Wowzers.
People I do not even know have reached out in ways that are beyond my imagination. It makes me realize that you don't have to be friends with someone to touch their soul. I will be much more aware of others around me in pain. I will reach out, regardless if we are close or not.
I love getting flowers and cards but getting sympathy flowers and cards are different. I am, however, every thankful for everyone of them. While I do not like what they stand for, not having any would make this journey even more difficult. They make us feel loved. Thank you!
My precious sister in law took family pictures for us at Park Ave yesterday. It was bittersweet. I love having new pictures, but it was going to be the day that we did pictures for christmas cards to announce that there were soon going to be 4 of us. To me, I look 2 and a half months pregnant...I love finally looking pregnant but I don't like it when there isn't a baby with a heartbeat. Its just another reminder of something that was, that is no longer. Its rather depressing actually. In fact, you can see it on our faces.
While I very much appreciate everyone telling me that I am brave, that my faith is amazing and I am an inspiration, I still want my baby back. This is when I have to lean in to the chest of Christ and trust that this really is a part of my story, and it will make me better.
I am a list maker and follower--check it off the list and be done. I can't do that with this. I have to be patient with the process.
Prayer request: Please pray that my body is able to do things naturally. They will only let you go for so long before they want to do a d&c--because they are afraid of infection. I do not want a d&c but do not want an infection either. I will be going to the Dr. in Ft. Lauderdale on the 28th.
Pray for my sweet husband. He is so strong. His faith in His God is contagious and I am SO proud of him. He is hurting just the same, probably in ways I can not comprehend.
Pray for my heart. There are many emotions still to come, I am sure.
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I love your honesty. Oh, you sound so much like I did last month. I will pray pray pray that you do not need a D and C, so scary. I have been praying for you every morning and just throughout the day when I think of you.
ReplyDeleteOne practical tip, make sure you keep taking your prenatals, they will help your body heal and help your hormones balance out. When I had my miscarriage my skin got horrible, my emotions were up and down, and yes, I had an extra 10 pounds that still won't budge. I feel your sadness this Christmas, we were also going to do maternity Christmas photos, and instead, it was the three of us plus extra weight on me.
Lis, your story is touching others. I know that's not anything compared to having your baby back. I know. It's so so hard. I don't know why these things have to happen. I will ask God when I get to heaven. After I hug my own precious angel.
God bless you Lis. Your heart is so big, and you may never know just how many people your story has helped.
Revelation 21:4:
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or morning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Im so sorry sweet. I will never forget when the DR came in and told us that we had lost our baby. My strong, stoic husband that had always been my rock- began crumbling right before my eyes. It was the saddest, most surreal experience.
ReplyDeleteLeaving the hospital alone- (Thankfully a different one that I'll never go back to...) It felt as though they just ripped your heart out and threw you out the door!
You have an incredible family, just focus on what you have. Hug your lil miracle a little tighter, know that you guys are loved and will be in our thoughts..
Love you mama!
Ruth