Stress and time.

Have you ever looked up the definition and signs of stress?! Holy moly!

Signs of stress may be cognitive, emotional, physical or behavioral. Signs include poor judgment, a general negative outlook,[citation needed] excessive worrying, moodiness, irritability, agitation, inability to relax, feeling lonely, isolated or depressed, acne, aches and pains, diarrhea or constipation, nausea, dizziness, chest pain, rapid heartbeat, eating too much or not enough, sleeping too much or not enough, social withdrawal, procrastination or neglect of responsibilities, increased alcohol, nicotine or drug consumption, and nervous habits such as pacing about, nail-biting and neck pains.

Those are a lot of signs and symptoms for one little word. I feel like I know that word well. Too well. I feel like I live there. How do you live with it knowing that it is not something the Lord wants me to feel? How do you pretend having a husband in medical school isn't stressful?

Living in the moment. Counting my blessings and gifts and 4:8 thinking...they help but it doesn't make it go away.

Time. I need time. His time. With no agenda. No exams to study for. Coffee because we want to drink it, not because he needs it to be awake.

The days recently are long. The weekends and free time are short. The sleep is even shorter.

But.

August is coming...a mountain top...to breathe...and prepare emotionally, spiritually, and mentally for the next mountain that is to be climbed.

I can't wait until his smile returns. The one Emily remembers...not the stressed, keeping his head above water and trying to survive smile. The real one.

35 days.