I am so thankful for your prayers, and encouragement the last month.
My heart has stopped bleeding, and is healing a tiny bit at a time, and the big hole is closing. The tears have become less and the laughs more. The dreaming of how God is going to grow our family has continued instead of being angry at what He took away from us.
Yes, Lord, I do still trust you.
There have been many times during the last month that I have screamed, "WHERE ARE YOU?!" I never hear an audible answer but my heart has gotten different whispers. Some times, pure silence. Its on days like those that I have to lean in closer, be more still, and finally say, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening."
I don't have His answer. I don't need it. When you don't know what the next thing to do is, do the next right thing. The next right thing is and has been to put my faith fully in Him and rely heavily for His direction.
Perfect faith is faith that moves us to trust God when He doesn't seem to be moving.- Andy Stanley
He has been still for a while now, or so it seems. But looking back, He hasn't been. I haven't taken many steps. I haven't had too. I have been carried. Its slow, but its forward. He hasn't left me yet.
My plan and my faith is designed to trust God.
This isn't random. This is His story for me. This is her story. Its the story that I can start here, and she can finish there. I started her book, and as she sits on the lap of her Father, they finish it. Without heartbreak, sin and evil. Only joy. Only trust. Only good.
My story is being written here and will end there too, as will yours. What you pen here matters. How you live matters. How you trust matters. How you deal with heartbreak matters.
There are lessons to be learned from a little girl that I never met face to face but that I knew so well already.
To trust.
Fully.
When none of it makes since.
It's not about me, but Him.
I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me according to your word. Luke 1:38TNIV
I won't lose Hope. I won't here, and I won't there. Praise Jesus!
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You continue to encourage me and so many others that have known this heartache. I love what you say about trusting Him to grow your family rather than be angry at Him for what won't be.
ReplyDeleteI pray you heal a little more every day. My miscarriage was only a month before yours, and yes, I still think every day about what might have been. It's okay. I have had my share of doubt, of questioning, of anger at my Heavenly Father. But He's never stopped loving me, never stopped listening to my cries. He treasures you. I see how he is using you to encourage women going through similar heartache. It's beautiful how you let yourself be an instrument of His. God bless you and your sweet family.
I love your beautiful genuine heart.. Your faith makes God more real to me... I am praying for you... love you, Lis <3
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