Tonight, I battled it with Gracie. I won but she put up a pretty good fight.
She is a determined and relentless treasure of gold, and I know it will serve her well in this life. However, when she is exhausted beyond belief, Mommy knows best.
The hardest stage may be approaching, if it hasn't already showed it's ugly face. She is 18 months and knows what she wants, feels things very deeply, and doesn't know how to handle her very intense emotions. (Maybe that is my problem in life, I never grew out of that stage?!) Ha! Add 2 year old molars on top of it, and shear exhaustion from playing with her cousins, and it doesn't always end pretty.
As if that isn't enough, she has been having what I think are nightmares or night terrors. My girl that used to sleep through the night wakes up frantic and terrified, practically crawling out of her bed into my arms. It truly is heart breaking.
She would much prefer to stay up until 11pm, sleep in between mom and dad, and never take a nap. I am sure she would also like to eat endless candy and cupcakes, but I guess that is why she has a mom. Certainly if she only had a Sassy, she would be allowed to do all of those things. :)
As I was putting her to bed, she was screaming my name, and all I can tell her is, "shhh, it is time for bed", and if she just closed her eyes long enough, it would all be ok. And then it hit me. He tells me that everyday too.
"Don't worry about your life, Lis, what you will eat or what you will drink. Stop fighting, rest, Be Still, and Know...know that Daddy knows best. " I fight it longer than other times. Sometimes not at all. Sometimes until I literally can't cry anymore.
And.
Then.
Surrender. Quiet. Rest.
Isn't that what He wants? Isn't there a way to get to that place without the fight? It's always a choice.
"Not my will, but Your will Lord. Not my timing, but yours".
As Gracie gives up, and her sobs turn into small, shallow, pitiful sighs, I can't help but think. The very small smile on my face, has to be on His too. When He walks away and says to the angels, "Battle of the wills. But I won".
My flesh wants to win...My heart does not. I want to surrender.
What about you?
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Wow, at 3:14 am, this is really tugging at my heart! I also have an 18 month old, and I know what you mean about them having their own agendas at this age! For my little guy, brushing teeth is always a struggle. Twice a day, he gets mad at mommy, thinking I don't know best. I know I need to look past his tantrums and do what's best for him, because I love him.
ReplyDeleteI also love what you are saying about surrendering to God. Here I am up at this hour, worrying whether or not I am going to mess up God's beautiful plan because of my own shortcomings. I am not worthy to receive such blessings, and yet He freely gives. You're right. He wants us to be still. To know. To know that our Father indeed knows best.
Thank you for speaking to my heart.