A Whisper.

I finished reading Bill Hybel's book, The Power of a Whisper.

Last night I was in desperate need of a shout but would have taken a whisper too.

This is what I wrote in my journal at 9:00pm last night.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Because you can handle it, and for what it's worth- I'm mad- I'm over it.

I hate being here! I hate that you brought us here, put us in this desert, and for all practical purposes abandon us.

Where are you??

How am I supposed to do community when there isn't any community in this place?

I'm so over being alone- so over sitting in the same 3 rooms and doing nothing of worth.

I'm so over having no friends while I know that all of my friends and family are sitting at a restaurant laughing and celebrating Nicole's birthday without me.

I'm so over not being miles away from my sister.

I'm so over medical school and it controlling mine and Tim's weekend and seeing him so tired and stressed all the time.

I'm over it! Why are we here? Where are you, Lord?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With that, I sobbed until I couldn't cry anymore. There are very few days like this, but when they come, they come full force. I would have never imagined my Jesus would respond the way he did this morning.

I woke up and was in desperate need of my time with him, so I put Gracie in the stroller, and Chris Tomlin on my phone and ran. I would have cried if I wasn't just trying to survive! It was hot! :)

When we got back, Gracie went down for a nap, and I went to the pool.

I was reading Beth Moore's book, Breaking Free. Chapter 4 is titled, "To Find Satisfaction in God." In the chapter she talks about how you seek what will meet your need, and later says, "The most obvious symptom of a soul in need of God's satisfaction is a sense of inner emptiness. Just like your stomach growls when you are hungry, your soul growls when it needs to be fed too."

She then asked this question: Does your hungry soul ever manifest physical symptoms such as irritability, selfish ambitions, anger, impure thoughts, envy, resentment, and eruption of lust?

Yes, yes, yes! Less than 24 hours ago my soul was screaming for a whisper- a hunger that needed to fed. To really know if God did have me in His hands.

I finish that chapter right as North Point comes on--Jeff Henderson--Week 4 of Life Apps.

He was talking about Elijah in 1 Kings--and this struck me. In 1 Kings 19:3, Elijah says, "I've had enough"--or in my words, "I'm over this".

Here it was- my whisper. I asked, "where are you" and he said, "right here. I haven't moved. You did."

Jeff ends with talking about the importance of resting, recovering and replenishing so you can be at your best.

"Your life moves to a better place- when you move at a sustainable pace" Jeff Henderson

Here is how the Lord ended his sweet whisper to me--with this song by Bebo Norman. And of course the title is, "In Your Hands."

That was my whisper-and at the end, a big kiss on the forehead from my Heavenly Father. Just to let me know, He is There, and I am in His Hands.


You can listen to it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0wnnqeu2IA


Here are the lyrics:
I didn't know I would love you when I looked into your eyes
But now I have a heart I cannot keep
And the greatest of fear is that you'll leave me here
Stranded in this water so deep

So don't you turn away from me
Because my heart and my hopes, they're in your hands
If I don't seem certain
It's just a common fear from a common man
But I am in your hands

Just so you know, I have never done this sort of thing before
I've never given up my very soul
But I have heard a voice like none I've heard before
And it's a voice that never grows old

Don't you turn away from me
Because my heart and my hopes, they're in your hands
And if I don't seem certain
It's just a common fear from a common man
But I am in your hands
I am in your hands
I know…I am in your hands