Bondage.

I am reading Beth Moore's book, Breaking Free, and this was so though provoking.

"Enslaved parents teach their children how to live in bondage even with the best of intentions to do otherwise."

I am becoming more and more aware of the things that I do not want my sweet Gracie girl to deal with.

This was from an excerpt from It's Always Something by the late Gilda Radner.

When I was little, my nurse Dibby's cousin had a dog, a mutt, and the dog was pregnant, but she was due to have her puppies in a week. She was out in the yard one day and got in the way of the lawn mower and her two hind legs got cut off. They rushed her to the vet and he said, "I can sew her up, or you can put her to sleep if you want, but the puppies will be okay. She will be able to deliver the puppies."
Dibby's cousin said, "Keep her alive."
So the vet sewed up her backside, and over the next week the dog learned to walk. She didn't spend any time worrying, she just learned to walk by taking two steps and flipping up her back side. She gave birth to 6 puppies, all in perfect health. She nursed them and weaned them. And when they learned to walk, they all walked like her.

Little eyes are watching. Every. Move. You. Make.

Be intentional!

A Whisper.

I finished reading Bill Hybel's book, The Power of a Whisper.

Last night I was in desperate need of a shout but would have taken a whisper too.

This is what I wrote in my journal at 9:00pm last night.
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Because you can handle it, and for what it's worth- I'm mad- I'm over it.

I hate being here! I hate that you brought us here, put us in this desert, and for all practical purposes abandon us.

Where are you??

How am I supposed to do community when there isn't any community in this place?

I'm so over being alone- so over sitting in the same 3 rooms and doing nothing of worth.

I'm so over having no friends while I know that all of my friends and family are sitting at a restaurant laughing and celebrating Nicole's birthday without me.

I'm so over not being miles away from my sister.

I'm so over medical school and it controlling mine and Tim's weekend and seeing him so tired and stressed all the time.

I'm over it! Why are we here? Where are you, Lord?

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With that, I sobbed until I couldn't cry anymore. There are very few days like this, but when they come, they come full force. I would have never imagined my Jesus would respond the way he did this morning.

I woke up and was in desperate need of my time with him, so I put Gracie in the stroller, and Chris Tomlin on my phone and ran. I would have cried if I wasn't just trying to survive! It was hot! :)

When we got back, Gracie went down for a nap, and I went to the pool.

I was reading Beth Moore's book, Breaking Free. Chapter 4 is titled, "To Find Satisfaction in God." In the chapter she talks about how you seek what will meet your need, and later says, "The most obvious symptom of a soul in need of God's satisfaction is a sense of inner emptiness. Just like your stomach growls when you are hungry, your soul growls when it needs to be fed too."

She then asked this question: Does your hungry soul ever manifest physical symptoms such as irritability, selfish ambitions, anger, impure thoughts, envy, resentment, and eruption of lust?

Yes, yes, yes! Less than 24 hours ago my soul was screaming for a whisper- a hunger that needed to fed. To really know if God did have me in His hands.

I finish that chapter right as North Point comes on--Jeff Henderson--Week 4 of Life Apps.

He was talking about Elijah in 1 Kings--and this struck me. In 1 Kings 19:3, Elijah says, "I've had enough"--or in my words, "I'm over this".

Here it was- my whisper. I asked, "where are you" and he said, "right here. I haven't moved. You did."

Jeff ends with talking about the importance of resting, recovering and replenishing so you can be at your best.

"Your life moves to a better place- when you move at a sustainable pace" Jeff Henderson

Here is how the Lord ended his sweet whisper to me--with this song by Bebo Norman. And of course the title is, "In Your Hands."

That was my whisper-and at the end, a big kiss on the forehead from my Heavenly Father. Just to let me know, He is There, and I am in His Hands.


You can listen to it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0wnnqeu2IA


Here are the lyrics:
I didn't know I would love you when I looked into your eyes
But now I have a heart I cannot keep
And the greatest of fear is that you'll leave me here
Stranded in this water so deep

So don't you turn away from me
Because my heart and my hopes, they're in your hands
If I don't seem certain
It's just a common fear from a common man
But I am in your hands

Just so you know, I have never done this sort of thing before
I've never given up my very soul
But I have heard a voice like none I've heard before
And it's a voice that never grows old

Don't you turn away from me
Because my heart and my hopes, they're in your hands
And if I don't seem certain
It's just a common fear from a common man
But I am in your hands
I am in your hands
I know…I am in your hands

Ruth

Wow.

I was given a study on the Book of Ruth from my cousin, Rebekah, shortly after we moved to Miami. It was written by her friend, Kelly Minter, and it impacted her. She thought I would enjoy it, and boy was she right! Thanks Beks for sending it to me.

It's a 6 week study on Ruth, and it took me much longer to finish, but today I finished. Gracie has been sick- I put her down on my bed for a nap, and cuddled up with her for what I thought was going to be 30 minutes of distraction free time with Jesus. She has been asleep for more than 2.5 hours, so I was able to finish the study today. (Thanks, Gracie girl :)

I have read Ruth countless times and to be honest, was never really impressed with her story. I thought it was kind of boring actually. I much prefer Tamar or Rahab's! Ruth was a good girl who followed her mother in law to a foreign land. Rahab was a prostitute!

What I learned about Ruth in the last few months has changed my thinking. It's changed my view on being found faithful. Obedient.

She was an amazing woman, and I can't wait to sit at her feet in heaven to hear her tell the story as she see's it. What was she experiencing in her heart while she waited to find out if she would be taken by Boaz to be his wife?

What I think I loved most about the story of Ruth is the ending. When it gets to the part where it tells you about the son she and Boaz had together- Obed. Then you read about the genealogy of Obed. He was the father of Jesse, that father of David, David was the father of Solomon, who's mother had been Uriah's wife. You continue on in Matthew 1 to Jacob, the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called The Christ.

Do you see the significance is Ruth's life? Do you see what would have been missed if she did as Naomi had instructed and went back? Ruth's decision could have impacted and changed the genealogy of Jesus.

Are you like me? Do you wonder what is hanging in the balance? Do you wonder what could be and should be, if you are just obedient to walk it out? God has a will for your life, and mine. It's up to us on how quickly we get there, and the journey that we set out on.

Obedience. Trust. Faithfulness. That's all He asks of me. It's all He asks of you too. We see a pin size portion of the big picture.

If God created Ruth for a purpose, He created me for one too. If I am faithful, obediant and trust him, who will be in my geneology a few generations from now? Who will benefit from my obediance?
It's just called a Legacy. You always leave one. Is it one of Trust, Obedience and Faithfulness? What would change in your life now?

Just my thoughts on Ruth.