A letter to myself

Read about the book and the challenge to write yourself a letter. 

Dear 16 Year old Lis,

You are young, and at a vital crossroad in your life.  This is fertile soil you are laying, and it will determine your life in the next 10-15 years.  Ponder your path choices carefully and make a decision with your head, not with your heart.  Your heart is deceitful about all things, you will soon find out.

If I could take you to Twistie Treat, I would beg for you to understand some things.

Your dad does know what he is talking about...He is wise and loves you more than you can imagine.  He is going to have really hard conversations with you.  The sooner you come to understand that he is not trying to ruin your life, but give you the best one possible, the better off you will be.  No boy stands a chance to your dad.  No matter what boys tell you.  Promises will be broken, and your heart will shatter, but your dad will not change.  He will remain steadfast, begging God to reveal to you what is right, true, and good.  Don't be afraid to blindly trust your dad.  He is trusting His Dad on your behalf.

You will clash with your mom.  Often.  She does not understand all your emotions, but she will be one of your best friends and greatest role models later.  Learn.  Read what she reads.  Watch her habits and rituals.  Find your place, and meet your Father there daily.  You will fear the conversation that will come after the breakup, but those words will never come... "I told you so" won't cross her lips, she will hug you tight and just whisper, "I am so sorry!"  Inside, she will be celebrating, because she knows that in the next couple of weeks, through counseling, you are going to find yourself.  Lies are going to be undone, things are going to come to light, and you are going to understand God's goodness in not giving you what you prayed for.

Friends come and go, but your sister is in a whole different league.  You will think you won't ever be able to have a relationship with your sister while your in the midst of your darkness, but fear not, young soul, she will be your greatest ally and biggest cheerleader.  She will also tell you when you are seriously out of line and are just being a big brat.  You will watch her family grow from one precious girl to 4, and you will love those children like your own.  You will have a sister that is a Mother of Many Nations, and a hero to three little girls that she rescued.

The man of your dreams IS out there.  You will meet him after hours of weeping before the Father and giving up your dreams, asking Him to make them new.  Little will you know that 7 weeks later you will be engaged and on your happy way planning a wedding.  But in the midst of the excitement of planning the wedding, don't forget to plan the marriage.  Be intentional.  Begin laying the foundation of what your marriage is going to be built upon.  Because it gets hard fast, and if your foundation is not built on Christ, it will crumble.  You will see.

Life at 16 is hard, but it's even harder at 28.  At 28 you will have grown more than you realize.  Don't be overwhelmed.  Focus on baby steps.  Don't beat yourself up for being "ultra emotional", embrace it.  It is how you were crafted, and if your family didn't need you in it, God wouldn't have placed you there.  But there you are.  Smack dab in the middle of a big, loud, loving family.  The creme of the Oreo.  The sweetest part.  The heart of it, if you will.

Choosing joy and fighting Satan will be a battle you have to fight daily.  Keep fighting.  It does matter.  Be tough.  Get dirty.  Fight.  There is only one of you, and this world needs you.  You feel like you don't have anything to offer, and fail more than you succeed but each day that goes by is one day closer to eternity.

Don't hold everything in. Or anything back.  You might not get tomorrow.  People you love may be taken away.  Your heart will break in ways that you still don't understand or comprehend how it is going to work for the good, but He says it will.  He doesn't lie.

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.  Find your life long friends and feel safe.  Be you.  The you that was created to bring Glory to the Father alone.

Love,
28 year old you.

My family.

There is a really big tribe that I am a part of.  The Woodall Tribe.

Growing up, they were my first friends...and now my cousins are still more like siblings than cousins.

I never realized that a lot of families are NOT like mine--I always assumed that everyone was as close to their cousins as I was...

There are a lot of things that the Woodall Tribe does.  Some good and some not so good.  Like for instance, we are not very good at keeping secrets.  Some have a harder time than others.  But like grandpa always used to say, "I have 11 grandkids, and only one of them is retarded".

I won't leak who the big mouths of the family are...depending on who you ask, they may say I am one!

Grandpa died before he ever told us who the retarded one was.  Of course, at some point, I am sure it was each of us!

The Woodall tribe Prays.  And we do that really well.

Yesterday, the golden gates of heaven were flooded as we each were on our knees begging for God's mercy and grace for Isaac and Esther.

There was not a lot of information immediately, just a lot of tears.  Isaac had been run over by a van and was being air lifted to Boston's Children's hospital.

What?! How? What happened?

Oh, God, please...be near.  Hold him.  Breathe life into his 4 year old body.

He was conscious and screaming upon being put in the helicopter was the next update.

Oh, God, thank you!  Keep kicking and screaming, buddy!

Most of the day yesterday we all cried.  But in our deep cries, we prayed.  And so many other people did as well.  This was the body of Christ in action.

Broken ribs, lacerated spleen, bruised lung, and head injury.  ICU was in his near future.  But Oh, God.  Thank you!

Thank you for the pictures of that sweet boy- thank you that he is awake.  Thank you for those tubes.  Thank for ICU.  Thank you that His daddy is with him now.  Thank you for grand dad and watching Thomas the train.   He is alive.  What a miracle.

I love what my cousin Esther said, "Doctors say he was really "lucky". I say its only the Lord that could spare my son's life today."

 Oh, with all due respect Dr. taking care of Isaac.  If you could know the God we know.  If you could understand that this had nothing to do with "luck"... But mercy, grace and the hand of the GREAT Physician!

My prayer is that Isaac reveals that to the Dr's while he is visiting.  That there is no doubt when that boy is discharged.  May that Dr. know he is watching a miracle walk out his door.

Prayers are still needed.
Isaac's recovery will be a long 2 months.  Please pray for a speedy and complete recovery.  Little pain, and strength for his mom and dad as they care for him.
Esther- her elbow was run over by the tire.  She is in a lot of pain.  Please pray for rest and full recovery so she can keep her house up and running.
Mike- he is a full time seminary student.  Pray that he can keep up with all his work while keeping his family up and running.
Oliver- is 2 and a boy! And just wants Isaac to play I am sure!  Please pray for his little heart while all this goes on.

We are SO thankful for the gift of Isaac and his little life.

If this isn't a picture of the Father's Love, I don't know what is.

THANK YOU for your prayers on my family's behalf.  God is good all the time!

Half way...but maybe not?

August was the two year mark of packing up a U haul and getting on i 95 and crying the whole way to Miami.  I wonder if it is something I will always remember.  It is pretty much stained in my mind.  Saying "goodbye" to my dad, mom and sister...pretty much one of the hardest days of my life to date.

This morning I woke up at 4am when Gracie came in asking for juice and I couldn't fall back to sleep.  The words of my mom played over and over in my mind as I was laying there. "If you are up, get up, and meet with Jesus".  So I did.  

Last week we celebrated Tim's White Coat Ceremony.  It was a great celebration.  Every medical school is different and some times they give the students their white coat when they start school, and some get it half way through.  It is kind of like a graduation from the classroom and the beginning of being in the hospital.

They said at orientation if you get your white coat, you will graduate.  Can I get a hallelujah?!  

They also said that the first two years are the hardest.  Since we have not done the last two years, I can't say I agree...but I love the word "easier".  

So far its been pretty hard.  Mostly because really big decisions have to be made.  

In the midst of one of my can't-stop-the-tears sessions yesterday, He spoke.  

Either you trust me Lis, or you don't.  Just follow me.  Walk where I lead.  Go where I say.

Go? He told Jonah to go and when he disobeyed he was swallowed by a FREAKING WHALE!  Not going isn't an OPTION!  I do not want to end up in the belly of a whale! 

Go happily?  Oh that's a different subject entirely.  

If being in medical school has taught me anything it's that at 28 years old, obedience and a good attitude are not always easy.  But necessary...and sometimes I get sent to my room until I can come out and have another chance.

I know what I want.  I know what I think that looks like.  I know the desire of my heart, and so does He.  (I think I make it loud and clear!)

But I can't help but think...what if He does give me the desire of my heart, but it doesn't look like I think it looks like.  

I want to be packing a U Haul and heading back to Orlando for residency.  There are 85-100 applicants for that residency, and they take...wait for it...2.  

2!!!!  

Thats like...well, I can't do math, but NOT a very good statistic for ME.

Good thing God doesn't go by statistics.  Because even if there were 2 applicants, and 100 spots, if it isn't His will, it isn't happening...something else I have learned in medical school.  And I am not the one paying tuition.   

Ask and He will give you the desire of your heart?  I am asking. 

"If you find life difficult because you are doing what God says, trust Him.  He knows what He is doing and will keep on doing it." I Peter 4:19 

Keep on doing it, Lord.  I don't want to miss this.  I want to be no where else but your will...even Orlando.  (If you don't put me in Orlando, can you PLEASE bring my sister to me????)

Pray for us as we seek His hand and His will.  It truly is the desire of our heart to be no where else but exactly where He wants us to be.  I want to go happily.  But sometimes my feet don't get the memo. 

Speak Lord, your servant is listening. 

Books Read in 2012. So far :)

1.  Life Interrupted- Priscilla Shirer
2.  The Meaning of Marriage- Tim Keller.
3.  The Money Saving Mom - C. Paine
4.  The Power of a Praying Wife - S. Omartian
5.  When Life is Hard - J. Macdonald
6.  Jesus Calling - Daily devotional
7.  Beautiful Outlaw - J. Eldredge
8.  Real Marriage - M/G. Driscoll
9.  A Confident Heart - R. Swope
10.  Incredible Toddlers - C. Stratton
11.  Parenting is Heart Work - Dr. Turansky
12.  You're Already Amazing - H. Gerth
13. Through my Eyes - T. Tebow
14.  Bloom- K. Hampton
15.  Enemies of the Heart- A. Stanley
16.  Made to Crave. L. TerKeurst
17.  Make the Terrible Two's Terrific
18.  Grace for the Good Girl- E. Freeman
19.  Love Does, B. Goff
20.  4:8 Principle, T. Newberry
21.  Good to Great in God's eyes -C. Ingram
22.  The Upside down Marriage - J. Keller
23.  Unglued - L. TerKeurst
24.  Mended, A. Smith

Trash

Over the last 14 months, Trash has been on my list of blessings.  Strange right?

My amazing, brilliant and talented real estate broker of a brother in law has a management company that manages a shopping center 25 miles north of us.   He hired us to pick up trash 3 times a week, and we have done it for the last 14 months.  It has been a HUGE blessing to our finances.  And strangely enough, to my heart and growth too.

Since Tim's schedule this semester barely leaves any room for him to even sleep at night, Gracie and I are doing it by ourselves.  It takes a little longer, but allows for some rockin' girl dates at the chick fil a play ground with tea after we are done.

Yesterday while I was wearing my over sized latex gloves, sweat pouring from my brow, pushing Gracie in the stroller while she watched Doc McStuffins on my phone, I couldn't help but think...about trash...about the people that put it there, and about my own trash in my life.

If you spent one day with me at the center, you would quickly realize that a lot of people are being held captive by the addiction of nicotine and alcohol.   It's really sad.  I don't know them specifically, but I do know that they probably don't feel like they can live without it.  Make it through a day.  Function properly.

When I noticed an old, unwrapped McDonald's sandwich on the ground, untouched by bugs and looking like it was "fresh" off the grill, I wanted to gag.  Seriously, if bugs don't want to eat it, WHY do humans?  But... as soon as that thought came, so did another.  Maybe all they had was $1.49 to spend on a meal.  Maybe they feed their babies fruit and whole grain food to ensure their health and are choosing to suffer for the sake of the ones they love most.   Ouch, Lord.

Trash has changed me.  Not because I don't have any, but because I do.   Maybe it isn't thrown on the ground but thrown around in my heart or at the people I love most.   Maybe it isn't a cigarette butt--maybe lack of faith.  Maybe not a beer can, but an obsession about being in control.

Doesn't Jesus do to me, what I do for the center?  Walk around picking it up and saying, "I will take care of this for you?"  

So often we believe the nasty lie that because our trash isn't showing, we don't have any.

Oh the lies that Satan convinces us of:
No one knows.  It doesn't matter.
This isn't hurting anyone else.
I am right, and they are wrong.
Other people agree with me, so this isn't about me.
At least my trash doesn't smell as bad as________.

Friends when we do that, the trash picker-upper walks away--because in a sense, we are saying we can take care of our own trash.  Until it looks like this.  Over flowing.  Not able to be contained.

Everyone's trash looks and smells different.  But don't be deceived.  It ALL smells and looks bad to them.  We don't need someone reminding us of it.  We need someone to love us in spite of it.

This week I have heard many things that have absolutely BROKEN my heart.  Families being tested, mom's begging for answers on behalf of her sick baby, an anniversary of a loved one that was tragically lost, divorce, shame, regret, deep agony because of someone else's trash.

I drove home from the center pondering a simple but profound truth.

I get paid to pick up other's trash, but He paid to pick up mine.  

Not with a simple check that comes to the mailbox every month, but with His life.  Not because of...but in spite of! 

Focus on your own trash.  Not someone else's.  No matter how you think you can justify it to yourself.  Your trash stinks just as bad as theirs.  If I want to be loved through my trash, I have to love through theirs.

Pray for those that you know are deeply troubled.  Beg for God's grace, and direction when you know people feel like they are drowning in trash, maybe not of their own.

Carry their burden to the Father, lay it at His feet, and ask Him to clean it up.  He will.