Plan B...or is it Plan A?

I'm a planner.  Most everyone knows that.

I sent my sister an email telling her to "save the date" for Tim's graduation.  The email I got back said, "I am not putting a date in my calendar that is 2 years away! You are crazy, remind me next year!"  All of you laugh but this is coming from the woman who when I told her a year before about Tim's White Coat ceremony, she said, "Oh, we are already planning to be in Ohio!"

I like plans, I like 'save the dates', I like knowing what is going on and then putting my to-do list to work.

I don't like anything but plan A-my plan.  Insert eye roll because you now realize I am a bit obsessive.

Plan A became my plan B - but never was God's plan B.  Indeed, it was always His plan A.

My plan had me at 39 weeks pregnant, with an almost 2.5 year old, and a husband who was getting ready to take part one of his National Board Exam for medical school.   It makes me smile to think of the ways He loves me even in the things that hurt my heart.

I am a planner.

Can you imagine how I would be if I WAS on my plan A?!  I am sure I wouldn't be much fun to be around.

On His plan A...
I can lay on my belly with my girl and color.
I can run and sweat like a man at bootcamp. (and beat the guy who always beats me.  Insert eye roll because you now realize how competitive I am.)
I can help Tim by being completely tuned into his stress levels and what he needs as he runs the last two weeks of this part of his race.
I get more uninterrupted time with Gracie.   She is so much fun and I am LOVING making these memories of just the three of us.
We can play tennis on the roof on the condo and get completely soaked when a monsoon decided to dump on us!

All of these things I would have missed if my plan A was unfolding before me.

I'd be lying if I told you trying to figure out all the pieces of God's plan A for my life has been...fun...easy...enjoyable...predictable.  I don't know what it all looks like.

Obedience hasn't always been fun, easy or necessarily enjoyable.  If you don't believe me on that one, watch a two year old that is learning to obey.

On my journey to teaching Gracie to obey, it has been a constant reminder that obedience is required of me too.  She kicks, screams and asks if I give up yet.  I don't.  Because I know that obeying when she is 2 is the same as obeying when she is 22.   I can't help but wonder if He smiles when I kick, scream and ask if He gives up yet.  He doesn't.  Refining is all part of the Potter's plan.

I am training her to obey me- the same way she will obey her Heavenly Father.  To pay attention to the whispers.  The prompting. His will.  His play A.


There is no way for me to know where God is leading, and how His plan is going to turn out.  If the whisper I heard is right, I know which way we are heading, and its terrifying.  I've never done it before.  I don't know what that looks like.  It takes me out of my comfort zone.

I should get used to this pattern.

I get comfortable.  I plan.

He plans, I get uncomfortable.

Phil 1:21, For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. 

Here is to my plan A dying, and really living His plan A.

Meet Jen and Gavin

This is my BFF, Jenny.  We met in Highschool and were pretty much instant friends.  She was quiet, reserved and kind.  I was loud, obnoxious and, well, I hope kind.  Ha!

Jen and I have always joked that we do things so close to each other that it is hilarious.

We went to the same school after high school, we worked at the same spa for a while, we got married a week a part,  Gracie and Aiden are 3 months a part, and I wasn't the least bit surprised when I found out I was pregnant in October that our babies would be 5 weeks a part!  We like to keep things predictable, I guess!

She was one of the very few people I texted that December day when I knew something was terribly wrong.  She wept with me.  I wanted to be very cautious to not cause too much stress on her because of the sweet baby that was forming in her belly.  Two days after learning that my Hope had gone to be with her Creator, Jenny found out that Gavin Tyler was growing happily in her belly.

That whole morning, I just prayed a simple, constant prayer.  While her desire was to find out if she was having a girl or boy, my prayer was, "oh, please Lord, just let her see his/her heart beating".   My heart couldn't handle two loses so close together, and because our history is to do the SAME thing, I was terrified.

The Lord answered mine and so many other prayers when this guy joined his family almost two weeks ago!

There have been some things since being on this journey that I knew would be hard.  Hearing other people share their exciting news, and holding Gavin were two that I knew I would have to be prayed up for.

If I had my way, I would be waddleing around Winnie Palmer at 35 weeks pregnant waiting to go up and see Jen and Gavin.  Then resting him on my big ole belly like a built in Boppy!

I got a text from Jen early Tuesday morning telling me she was on her way to the hospital.  Of course, I called her instantly, because texting just isn't sufficient.  :)

Because we were in Miami, I paced around my house like a mad woman, just wanting to be at the hospital...looking for flights that didn't cost $350.00, texting her mom and sister demanding updates. (yes, I am still obnoxious.  Some things don't change!)

I stopped dead in my tracks when I knew she was pushing and smiled.

 I didn't know how I was going to react to all this.  I didn't know if I would melt to a puddle of tears and weep because my heart was hurting, or if I would be truly able to celebrate.  Here I was, celebrating, full force.  I couldn't get to Orlando fast enough.  I NEEDED to hold that baby!  Another thing I didn't know if  I would be able to do!

3 days later, I was able to hold that baby and soak him in.  I love Jen's oldest, Aiden, but I think there is something special between me and Gavin.

What Gavin doesn't know is he helped my heart heal.

Again.

I felt a little piece of my "Hope hole" close.  Gavin represents life, joy and God's amazing hand.  It was tangible for me that day.

A whisper from my Creator, that created Gavin and Hope.  Trust me, Lis.  Believe that I am not holding out on you, but preparing you for the best.  

Continue to choose to trust.  
Continue to choose to celebrate.  
Continue to choose heal.

And while you are holding Gavin, I am holding Hope.  


Gavin Tyler, you are a special, precious, wonderful treasure.  I love you and will pray for you like I did while you were in Mommy's belly.  You are going to help change hearts and the world, because on that Friday, you helped change mine.  I love you, buddy!

Meet Jenny and Gavin Tyler!