Motherhood. Moving. Miami. Medical School. Miscarriage. My Mission Field.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
God always has one of three responses when we prayerfully seek Him.
Here we are. Waiting.
My body is functioning as it should be, and I am not pregnant. That's my answer: wait.
I am thankful for the growth and the ability to look at newborn pictures on facebook and completely and freely celebrate with those momma's with those babies in their arms. I delight in them. Its funny how the very thing you avoided for a while is the thing that seems to be like a soothing balm to my heart.
Because lets be honest. I have a lot of friends who have suffered this loss. I have a lot of friends who when I get a text or phone call from a silent, oh please, Lord, not another negative test. But they keep coming, and its all in the way you look at it, I suppose.
Even when I see the negative test, I am positive this is still part of God's great plan.
I am positive its all in His hands.
I am positive He is faithful.
I am positive that in His timing, I will see a positive test.
It still hurts, this I am positive of too.
But I am positively healing and ready for the day that the Lord answers mine and my dearest friends desire with a big, healthy, chubby cheeked, YES!!!
I am trying to see this less as an obstacle and more of an opportunity...to grow...trust...to soak in every minute with Tim and Gracie. To just be...Three.
Holley Gerth says in her book, "You Are Already Amazing"-
We've been made perfect-but we're still in the process of being made holy. God's goal in our lives in growth.
* Perfectionism is all or nothing. * Growth is little by little.
* Perfectionism is all about the goal. * Growth is all about the journey.
* Perfectionism is about outward appearances. * Growth is about what happens inside.
* Perfectionism is about what we do. * Growth is about who we're becoming.
The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. Proverbs 4:18
I am the honored wife to Tim, and blessed to be the mom of Gracie. Both are the hardest things I have ever done. I value living an authentic, open and real life. I have been made into a new person because of Jesus Christ and seek to live my life for Him daily. We are on a journey through medical school in Miami, a city that, quite frankly, I hate. I like comfort, safety, and family. Jesus likes to see me grow, trust and depend on Him. In December 2011, my faith was tested and tried as I miscarried at ten weeks. It rocked me to my core. The Lord in His faithfulness has navigated me through some very rough waters and brought me to a place of surrender of my life and the story He has written for me.
I love my family, reading, adventure, organization and every single holiday! In my opinion, everything should be a celebration!
This is my journey to seek the God I love.