Here We Go..again

Summer break is over for Tim, and tomorrow starts the Summer semester.

I'd be lying if I told you I was looking forward to it. I was intentional about not thinking about him "going back to school" during the amazing 2 weeks we had at here, in Orlando and then at the beach with Gracie. I needed it. He needed it. She needed it. We needed it.

But here we are. Back in Miami, and the choice is sitting before me. Pity party or Joy? Count my gifts or count what I wish "was"? Which I call tell you is lengthy!

I asked Tim at dinner if he ever felt spiritually "dead". His response was surprising--what did I mean by "dead"? I tried to explain, but couldn't, really. What did I mean? Dry? Lonely? Dead? I still don't know what I meant by that except for it is how I feel since being here. Maybe its because I don't feel like I am being fed the way I was in Orlando. Church, Legacy, friends and family.

I miss my mentoring girls. A lot. My Soul longed for our monthly Thursday night gatherings. Sometimes my soul even feared it. These women were real. No joking around. No faking life. They would ask me questions. Hard questions. Some I didn't even want to answer. But when I left, my soul was ecstatic and exhausted. I miss that. I miss them. All of them. I miss feeling like I have grown. I want to be more like Jesus. I want to know I am making progress. Maybe I am and just don't feel it?

Miami didn't change while we were gone. People are still rude, self centered and dark. You still get honked at ALL the time, and life here is hurried.

I have to smile when I think about God's timing though. Tim was originally supposed to start school tonight, but his class got canceled. Something about teaching Dr's having patients?! =) So he goes back tomorrow morning, all day. BUT God did something sweet for me, my best friend and her family is coming down tomorrow!! I don't know who is more excited, me or Gracie!! Those are the gifts I am counting: canceled classes and Sassy and Bub visits!

I am also counting my gifts like Baby Tylenol. Gracie has been running a fever and just feels crappy. Her fussing and whining is totally out of control because after all, she feels crappy!! Another gift: a baby that wants to "hold you" and be snuggled. All day long. I am beyond blessed to be her mom. Even when she's sick. Hopefully tonight she will rest better. She needs to be ready to play with the girls!

Thank you Lord for the journey you have set before me. I don't always like it, but if it makes me more like you, its worth it. All I know of me, towards all I know of you!