Friends

I have come to realize how truly blessed I am by the friends I have in my life. I've always thought they were the absolute best but not until moving here did I truly realize how hard friends are to come by.

We've been here for more than 5 weeks, and I still don't have any friends. It's me, Gracie and Tim.

I overheard a conversation in the elevator between two women who were talking amongst themselves about how they are only friends with beautiful people. What a sad life they must live. I think my friends are the most beautiful people I know, but I quickly realized that I think they are beautiful not because of their outward shell, but because of their heart.

I was expecting it to get easier the longer we would be here, but it has gotten harder. More lonely.

I am so thankful that the last 3 weekends I have had some of my best friends come play with me. To breath life back into me. To fill my cup. To love on me. To snuggle Gracie.

I'm tired. Emotionally and physically. I am so thankful for my best friend and only sister- she gave me the afternoon and night off yesterday.

Some things I took for granted before I moved to Miami. Friends are no longer one of them.

Weekends...

I've decided weekends are the hardest, and loneliest. Weekends used to be the best but now I find myself dreading them.

I find myself wondering what everyone is doing in Orlando--what we are missing.

This weekend, I know mom and dad are spending a quiet weekend at home...working no doubt and probably not much relaxing but how I wish I could take a walk and sit on the porch and talk to my Momma.

Sarah, Brian and the girls, are at the beach--enjoying the sun, the breeze and each other. How I miss those little girls and their giggles, and boy do I miss my sister and our talks.

I miss Drew and Nicole, and the way rhey make me laugh until I cry...I do think I have the funniest brother.

I miss rubbing Andrea's belly and watching Jackson grow...

I miss Jon and Christina and Aviana...I need some snuggles from that little girl...I need to see her walking and carrying her purse.

I miss Sunday morning and being in Church with my whole family on one row--and lunch at moms after.

Before this move, I took weekends for granted.

Today I am looking back, and remembering all the good memories I have, and how much I love that family of mine.

Maybe thats one reason I am here--to savor every moment, and take nothing for granted. Lesson learned, Lord. Can I go home now???

Choosing to be thankful.

There are a lot of things I am good at. Things that come easy for me...and then there are things that are hard for me, and things that don't come easy. Being positive is way harder than being negative! I have to fight hard to not just let it slip out.

Yesterday I let it win. I had a pity party. A cry fest. "A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." This morning I even woke up feeling like that, and when I opened my eyes it was like Jesus said, "psst..we don't have to have that kind of day again today, its your choice. Choose to be thankful". Then I cried again. How selfish of me to dwell on me, and my feelings when there are so many that are going through so much more.

I'm not going to lie--looking at this mountain 300 miles away, it didn't seem as big as it does, standing at the bottom of it and looking up. It feels huge. Because it is huge. But it can be climbed. And gosh darn it, I will climb it, and live to tell about it!!

I have a sign hanging in the living room that says, "there is always, always, always something to be thankful for". I get smacked upside the head every time I look at it. There is so many people suffering around me.

If God doesn't do a miracle in little Ava's body, the doctors say she wont be here much longer. The God I know does do miracles and is the ultimate doctor. He will heal her. I am begging him to heal her here. I can not imagine what the Hunters are going through. I'm thankful.

Many are in extreme amounts of physical pain--pain that is sometimes unbearable. I can not imagine. I am thankful.

Some go to dumpsters to find food to feed their family. I can not imagine. I am thankful.

Today I am choosing to be thankful for the health of my daughter, the love of my husband, the support of my friends and family, the way the Lord provides for all of my needs, and that I don't have to think about climbing this mountain alone.

Miami is a sad place. People are mean. Sad. Lonely. Depressed. Angry. Out of place.

I may be the only smile they see today, and maybe just maybe, they will see the Light. This is my mission field.

Today, I am thankful and I am homesick. Terribly. But what I realized today is that I am even more homesick for Heaven. Where cancer doesn't threaten the life of Ava Hunter, people don't have to eat from dumpsters, pain is wiped out and orphans are forever in a home.