Sunflowers

Gracie and my mother in law planted sunflower seeds at the end of August.  Within a few days tiny sprouts we're desperately trying to get their head above the soil to see the sun.   They were fragile but determined.  It astounded me how quickly and how much they change daily.

Gracie and I have loved watering them every most mornings and watching them get bigger.  

Since the weather has gotten more fall-like, I have been doing my quiet time on the balcony, and have found myself starring a lot at the sunflower plants.

It's just like God to teach you something through something as simple as a small sunflower seeds that have turned into a plant nearly as tall as Gracie.

I tend to be pretty visual, so when I see something that is struggling because of a lack of water, I wonder.  That's just like me...when I don't feed myself things full of nutrients, I begin to wither.  It's a slow process but faster than you may think.

When a full day goes by that we forget to do something as simple as pour some water on the sunflowers soil, they look really sad.  Begin to droop and shrivel up.   I am sure if they had the ability to   tell me their feelings it would be something like, "You forgot about me!" "You don't care!" "You say you will take care of me but don't!"

I have loved observing how these plants grow and lean towards the sun.  I think that is my favorite part.   They stretch their tiny limbs out and lean towards the good stuff.   

There have been some storms that have come and the wind has gotten pretty strong.  They whip around and just when I think they are going to break, they don't.  Because before they grew up, they grew down.   The roots are deep and strong.  They have done all the work to ensure they are able to withstand wind, rain and even a two year olds torture.

There is now finally a little bulb on the top that is going to be a beautiful sun flower.  I want it to bloom so bad!  I want it to open so I can see its beauty, but currently, it's not ready.  The Maker hasn't said it's time yet.  So I wait.

As I sit and think of the lessons from my sunflower plant, it kind of takes my breath away.  Because I know it is not just coincidence.  It is a whisper.  From the Son, to me, one of His plants, that sometimes feels very forgotten about.

Lessons that even a little green plant can teach you:

Plant yourself in a nutritious soil, free from weeds.  And wait.  

Feed yourself daily.  Every morning preferably.  When the end of the day comes, you won't feel weary, or wilted.

Make sure you are in the sunlight.  Grow towards Him!  Stretch out those arms and enjoy the sunlight! 

Don't get frustrated by the growth time.  Your roots have to grow first.  Growth is happening even if its not on the surface.

When you least expect it, you may see a beautiful flower bloom.  It will make it easier to continue on the journey.  The flowers are the little things the Maker rewards you with...to keep you encouraged and walking on the journey, looking for more flowers.

I want my life to be full of flowers.  Don't you?



The plants have been watered, and so has my soul.  Happy Sabbath Day!

Wait.

Yesterday was a hard day.  Sometimes I get discouraged by the amount of those days that come.  I try to be very intentional, to be thankful in all things and always counting my blessings...and even in the joy, hard days come.  Then I realized, no matter how positive my out look on life is, this world is full of sin, and until I am reunited with my Father, those days are going to come.

One year ago I conceived a baby that now resides in heaven.

Be still and know...

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

"After a miscarriage, you are very fertile...I think you will be pregnant in no time"...

2 months.

4 months.

6 months.

Wait.

"I feel like your thyroid may be enlarged, lets get that checked out to see if that is normal."

Wait.

"You are a new patient?  Ok, our first available appointment is in 7 weeks."

Wait.

"All of your blood work is normal, and your thyroid appears to just be how your thyroid anatomy is, but we will do an ultrasound to rule out any disease.  In two weeks."

Wait.

"Thank you for your inquiry and desire to be a Foster Parent, unfortunately you do not qualify at this time."

No.

I do not know or understand why the answers keep being wait and no.

It's hard to have the capacity and desire to love on babies...even other people's babies and not be given the chance.  It's even harder when the doubts come that He is holding out on me.  Punishing me.

I usually fight those pretty good..but you can only fight for so long before you need a break.  And just need your sister to cry with you on the phone.  That was yesterday.

Sometimes the pain is just to remind us that this isn't our final destination.  The ache and disappointment is real.   And deep.   But since you can only feel one emotion at a time, I will choose to desperately, intentionally and whole heartedly choose to see my days with Gracie as a gift.   I refuse to look back over the most fun years of her life and have regret.  Because what if God doesn't bless me with anymore children?  What if she is my one and only...I will enjoy her.  Color with her.  Do check up's all day long.  Draw on big cardboard boxes, do crafts, swim, and play hide and seek.

I am in a season of waiting.  But I won't sit around and wait.  I will do and be.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.