Holidays!

I have a thing for Holidays.
I like Holidays.

Ok, I am a little obsessed with holidays in general. All of them! In my mind its always, "Go big or go home!"

I love the purpose of holidays. Celebrating the birth of someone (birthdays), Celebrating love (Valentines Day), Celebrating the Risen Savor (Easter), Celebrating our freedom (July 4th), celebrating the child in all of us that likes to dress up and play pretend (Halloween), Giving Thanks (Thanksgiving), the Birth of our Lord (Christmas), new goals (New Years), etc.

I love them!

BUT, Christmas is my favorite. All my fall stuff is out in September, so by the end of October it's time to pack it all up and get out the Christmas decorations!!

So that is exactly what I did on October 25th. Gracie and I set up her little tree in her bathroom and her slightly bigger tree in her bedroom. She loves it!

I made the mistake of thinking she was the most fun last year at Christmas but THIS year is just going to ROCK! She is SOOOO much more fun and able to understand fun little things! Like how funny it really is to have candy in your shoes and have mom tell you it's because it's St. Nicolas Day! :)

Yes, I am the person who has icicle lights hanging from my balcony and pretty proud of it!! It's time to spread a little holiday cheer, Miami!

ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEARRRRRR!!

Minnie Mouse

Grace means a gift from God...

And she is...our gift from God...His Grace showered all over us. Undeserving.

Grace.

Gracie.

My precious girl

The Resolution

I love how the Lord uses books in my life to point out areas that need work.

Ok. Sometimes I hate it too.

My grandfather always said, "you will be the same person ten years from now with the exception of 2 things: the people you meet and the books you read." I want to be better in a lot of areas 10 years from now, so I read a lot of books.

The Resolution for Women by Prisicilla Shirer, is currently rocking my little comfortable world. Holy Moly. Lay off the sting, Lord!

I don't think there is a rock that goes unturned in this book...AND I'm not even done reading it.

While every point and subject she covers is good and something to work towards and resolve to become or do, one rocked me to the very core of who I am.

The Resolve to be Satisfied.
At the bottom, there is a place to sign your name. Like a contract.

I, Elisabeth Graeser, will stop whining about my life and everything I don't have or what I want, and embrace every blessing He has given me.

It doesn't say that, but it probably should. Sometimes I wonder if God doesn't grab my angel, hold her by both shoulders and say, "If you don't go find her and tell her to hurry up and learn this lesson, she is going to audibly hear from me!" Thanks, Angel (in this case, Priscilla...I am getting it!)

All things. Not just some things.

In little and in much. How I long to proudly say, "I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little." Phil 4:11

I compare myself to others more than I really realize. More than I care to admit for sure. It is really disturbing actually.

On any given day I make up in my mind a life that is not mine. A house I can't afford, a car I don't drive, a husband who doesn't work, a baby who never disobeys, a body that is straight out of a health magazine, a family that lives on the same street, and a relationship with the Lord that never doubts, always trusts, never fears and is always faithful. A nice cross between the Proverbs 31 woman, Esther, Ruth, David, Paul, Soloman, etc. I pick and choose something from everyone I know that I like, and play house. Dress up.

And then. The evil step mother pipes in, i.e.: satan.

"you know you could have that if you didn't.."
"you deserve that"
"if you would just..."

The truth of the matter is this: I live this life that Lord has blessed me with for His glory alone. I have because He gives, I have not because it's not best for me. This is my season. This is my life.

I have come to the realization that if I continue to "just get through medical school", my daughter will be 4, my husband a resident, and I would have the same heart I had when we started. Resentful, bitter, impatient, unkind and untrusting. How many things would I have missed along the way? Ballet? Vacation bible school? Preschool? The chance to pray for my husband for one more exam. One more quiz. Pack his lunch one more time. All for what? To just hurry to get to residency, then hurry though the next season.

I refuse to be 70 years old and look back on my life with regret that I just wish I had listened to those who have traveled before me to fully engaged. To wish that I did hard things.

Life is hard, and it is never going to get easier. Growth is painful, but remaining unchanged is a death sentence.

Here is my current reality.

I am the wife to a brillant medical student. I am the mom to an amazing 19 month old.
I am the supporter and encourager of the next doctor who may save a limp of an elderly man with gangrene, fix a fracture of a college baseball player, or correct the precious toes of a newborn with club feet.
I am raising the next generation of a daughter who will fear God and serve Him fearlessly. She will be a world changer, because she has already changed mine.
Together we will do what the Lord has called us to do.

No. Matter. What.

No matter how hard, how long or how unfair. No matter how lonely, stressful or uncertain.

I will be content in this season of life.
I will be content in this season of life.
I will be content in this season of life.


"I do solemnly resolve to embrace my current season of life and will maximize my time in it. I will resist the urged to hurry through or circumvent any portion of my journey but will live with a spirt of contentment."


There are so many times when the only thing I can say out loud to the one that doesn't want me to succeed, grow or learn a valuable lesson is this...You said I couldn't, wouldn't and would die trying, and this I say to you Satan. I AM, I WILL and For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Radiating Pain..

This morning, Gracie woke up a little before 6am, complaining that she had to go potty. My gut said that she probably didn't have to go to the bathroom, but that she was just hungry. She didn't eat a very good dinner last night, and turned down her before bed snack.

Trying to convince her that she was just hungry, and if she had some breakfast she would feel better was harder than I imagined. Her belly hurt, so surely she just had to go potty...and eating at 6am was the last thing on her little mind.

Jesus, in His gentle voice, whispered to me, "your pain sometimes is radiating too. What you think is causing it, really is not".

Growing pains, even at 27 hurt. I'd much prefer the kind that you could take some aspirin, have your daddy rub the back of your legs, and in a matter of 20 minutes feel like a brand new kid. These pains are different. Or are they?

Can't I curl up on the couch, with a little medicine (scripture) and feel like a brand new kid in 20 minutes? Yes, and I do!

When my growing pains become unbearable, I quickly realize I have had my morning meeting with my Savior, bible, and journal.

Lord Jesus, keep me heart and ear tuned to the spiritual lessons of life...thank you for using my precious daughter to do it. You are amazing.

Expectations

I have high expectations. Of a lot of things, but as I am learning recently, mostly about myself.

In my mind, everyday starts at a zero, and if I complete all of my tasks and to do list, then I end at 10. If I don't, I end in negative numbers.

Recently, a lot of my days have been ending in negative numbers, which to me, is extremely frustrating and even a little depressing. I feel like there is not enough time in a day to do all that my "wish list" holds. Get up early enough to have my quiet time with the Lord, exercise and shower all before Gracie wakes up, morning chores, run errands, make lunch, get Gracie down for a nap, CCS work, swim lessons, make dinner, clean up house before Tim gets home, eat dinner, clean up again for the 100th time, bath time, play time with daddy, clean up again and then bed time.

Gracie hasn't been sleeping well. Read that as, won't sleep unless she is in my bed. Go ahead and pass your "I would never let my kid sleep in my bed" judgements. It's ok. I didn't think I would either...until, she was waking up 4-5 times from night terrors, petrified and begging to be held. After the 3rd time, it's a lot easier to put her in my bed and go back to sleep.

So, after nights like that, the first thing to go is waking up before the sun to achieve the first 3 things on my to do list. Before my eyes even open, I am at a negative. How am I going to accomplish those things with her awake?

I once heard a quote that said, "Expectations are premeditated resentments."

It is so true! When I feel exhausted and discouraged, those resentments creep in. "If I didn't have to...if she would...if he wouldn't...and on and on.

My top strengths are discipline and achiever...to operate outside of those are unfamiliar to me...to not be achieving them, goes against my very nature.

So I am seeking to explore the ways in which the Lord would have me let go of expectations of myself. I want to be able to do it all, but at this rate, I am going to kill myself trying.

Here is the truth I will continue to put in front of myself:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

Abba, please help me embrace the precious season you have placed me in. Be my hands and feet. Be the center. Be glorified in my feeble attempts to be more like you. Amen

Swim lessons.

Gracie starts swim lessons in a hour. She has no idea what is about to happen, and my stomach is in knots, because I don't know what is going to happen either.

There it is again. Fear.

Of the unknown, of the wide eyed screams and calls for help. It goes against everything in you to ALLOW someone to take your child and do something that is uncomfortable and scary.

Hmmm. There is the spiritual lesson. I have to TRUST Miss Angelica with Gracie just like I have to TRUST her to the Lord. She is not mine, but His.

My eyes are set on the finished product. Her being able to float, swim, hold her breath and the peace that comes in knowing if she fell into the pool, she has the tools she needs.

My job is to give her the tools, the support, the cheers and encouragement. AND lots of lollipops and snuggles when she is done with her swim lessons.

Pray for her. Pray for me. I will attempt to be POSITIVE pool side, but right now, I just want to throw up.

I will let you know how it goes. 30 days of this. Day one starts today.

Battle of the wills

Tonight, I battled it with Gracie. I won but she put up a pretty good fight.

She is a determined and relentless treasure of gold, and I know it will serve her well in this life. However, when she is exhausted beyond belief, Mommy knows best.

The hardest stage may be approaching, if it hasn't already showed it's ugly face. She is 18 months and knows what she wants, feels things very deeply, and doesn't know how to handle her very intense emotions. (Maybe that is my problem in life, I never grew out of that stage?!) Ha! Add 2 year old molars on top of it, and shear exhaustion from playing with her cousins, and it doesn't always end pretty.

As if that isn't enough, she has been having what I think are nightmares or night terrors. My girl that used to sleep through the night wakes up frantic and terrified, practically crawling out of her bed into my arms. It truly is heart breaking.

She would much prefer to stay up until 11pm, sleep in between mom and dad, and never take a nap. I am sure she would also like to eat endless candy and cupcakes, but I guess that is why she has a mom. Certainly if she only had a Sassy, she would be allowed to do all of those things. :)

As I was putting her to bed, she was screaming my name, and all I can tell her is, "shhh, it is time for bed", and if she just closed her eyes long enough, it would all be ok. And then it hit me. He tells me that everyday too.

"Don't worry about your life, Lis, what you will eat or what you will drink. Stop fighting, rest, Be Still, and Know...know that Daddy knows best. " I fight it longer than other times. Sometimes not at all. Sometimes until I literally can't cry anymore.

And.

Then.

Surrender. Quiet. Rest.

Isn't that what He wants? Isn't there a way to get to that place without the fight? It's always a choice.

"Not my will, but Your will Lord. Not my timing, but yours".

As Gracie gives up, and her sobs turn into small, shallow, pitiful sighs, I can't help but think. The very small smile on my face, has to be on His too. When He walks away and says to the angels, "Battle of the wills. But I won".

My flesh wants to win...My heart does not. I want to surrender.

What about you?