This is the way of the Lord, walk in it.

Monday night, 6:30-9pm at East End Market, we're having a "see you soon" party!  Join us for some dessert and so we can hug you! Info here.

Driving home from celebrating my best friends 30th birthday, the tears were slowly falling...again.  It hit me like a ton of bricks that a lot of celebrations are going to happen here and 800 miles will separate me from them.  

"This is the way of the Lord, walk in it," he whispered.

Approximately 413 times already I’ve tried to put my thoughts into writing.  It’s been hard to think beyond the sadness that my heart feels in leaving everything I’ve loved so much in Orlando for the last year.  I've grieved the last few months in this season of life because of the family dynamic I have, friends I’ve been blessed with, the jobs I love, and the desires I had for my preschooler to be on the Circle campus this year.  To say that this is going to be hard, falls hundreds of tears short.

With all that being said, I will add that following Jesus has never been easy, it hurts and costs you everything.  I don't want to go but  I don’t want to stay.  Because in staying in Orlando, I would be choosing to be in disobedience to the Lord and His plan for my family for at least the next 3 years.  I’d like to think I could ignore this truth, but since Kentucky is not surrounded by water, and being swallowed by a whale most likely wouldn’t happen, I’d prefer not to find out what He would use to get my attention.  Ha!  I’m terrified of tornadoes.  Does Kentucky have those?  Yikes.

Packing has been beyond exhausting. I’ve tried to go through every box to see what I’ve been keeping (Hi.  I’m Lis and a hoarder apparently) and what I need to…wait for it, get rid of.  It has also been exciting-I had to resist the urge to get super excited when all my Christmas stuff came out of the attic!  It’s not to soon to decorate, right?!  Christmas in June?  I like the sound of that!

It’s also been scary.  Apparently the bank thinks we’re grown ups because they’re letting us buy a house and that my friends, makes me want to poop a little.  But! since it’s mine, I can paint a purple wall if I want to, or put a 20 foot blow up snow man in the front yard.  (I won’t…do both.  All bets are off on anything to do with Christmas.)

I’m not going to pretend that I know the reason(s) we are going to Kentucky.  It’s beyond Tim’s training for his career, I do know that.  I do know that it will be home for the next 3 years.  I don’t know what is waiting for us there.  I don’t know what we would miss if we didn’t go.  I’m certain we will know that at the end of 3 years.  Maybe for a relationship, maybe for another baby, maybe we will find the ministry we will devote time and money to, maybe we will foster a child that becomes ours, maybe for my girls to enjoy a white Christmas, maybe because the book that He’s told me to write for the last 4 years needs to be written!  It will be exciting to look back and be able to say, “thats why.  Maybe that.  Perhaps that.  Without a doubt that”

We will be ok.  The girls will be ok.  I will be ok.  Orlando will always be our sweet spot, but there is nothing like home, and home is where Tim, Gracie and Ansley are.  Home will be on Ellis Way (with the 20 foot snowman!)  I won’t cry forever.  Some days will be harder than others, sometimes I will have to get off Facebook because seeing the pictures of everyone together will be too much, sometimes I’ll just have to go to Trader Joe’s and have a pity party, but I will be ok.  

I’m choosing to not say “good-bye”.  “See you soon, or catch you on FaceTime is much easier”.  If I could kiss the inventor of that dang program, I would.  Maybe that’s why they made the emoji icons.

We’re venturing into new territory and we’d love your prayers.  There are going to be a lot of adjustments, new normals and exciting times ahead.  At the end of the day, the only place I want to be is in the middle of His will.  So as much as I hate this, T-minus three sleeps until we head North.  

If only following Jesus wasn’t so hard.

Finish line but another starting line.

Have you ever heard the whisper of the Holy Spirit?  Have you ever without a doubt known or pretended to not know that it was really Him and he was speaking to you?

On January 28, 2014 a baby was born that changed me.  "You didn't have a baby on January 28th, Lis, how did a baby that was not your change you?"  I'm so glad you asked.  Ha.

Olivia June Danae Woodall was born to my cousin Dave and his precious wife, Danae.  What we know now is not what we knew on that day in January.  Olivia was sent to this earth on a mission and her mission took 13 days.  I have been on this earth for approximately 10,951 days and I wish I could tell you my mission was as clear as hers.  Most days I look like I don't own a shower, am attempting the gothic look with the dark circles under my eyes and have stains on the front of my clothes from whatever my children were eating that day.  Probably something super healthy like Doritos.  While I do believe motherhood is a beautiful thing, it's not always attractive.  Or maybe I am the only one.

Scripture talks about seasons in Ecclesiastes 3.  There are four seasons in a year.. unless you live in Florida and then there is only one and a half.  Summer.  And half of everything else.  The season I am in is about to change.  Again.

I like love Summer.  I like love warm.  I like love being comfortable. I like love my flip flops.  I like love Orlando, Florida.  I do not like love the idea of having to move away from all those things and walk into a new territory.  I don't want to move to Kentucky.  Not even a little bit.  But what I do want more than the very breath I take is to fulfill my purpose and mission on this earth.  And that involves moving to Kentucky.  I want to be like Olivia.  I want to hear what she heard after 13 days.  "Well done!"

Thinking about Olivia and her life, I am so thankful she didn't know pain like we know it.  I am so thankful she doesn't know the heart ache that her mom and dad will live with everyday for the rest of their life.  I am thankful she doesn't know what hurt feelings are, what a scraped knee feels like or how terrible it is to be little and have to go to bed when the sun is still out.  Instead she only knows Jesus.  Only knows perfection.  Only knows love like we can not even begin to fathom.

Olivia changed me because that was her mission.

The last 4 years have been all about change.  Big changes.  Gut wrenching changes.  Hard changes.  Wonderful changes.  Super exciting changes.  Scary changes.

Olivia put things in perspective for me like most things can't.  Pain will do that.  I think its safe to say that I have never prayed for someone more in 13 days than I did for Dave, Danae, Oscar, Wells and Olivia.  Never did I beg for a miracle like I did.  And in the end, God did it.  He healed her.  But not in the way I was asking.

So what do you do Lis, when after praying for something (residency in Orlando) long and hard (4 years), your answer is not what you want to hear?  I quiet myself to hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit and I just listen.  And I wait.  

Dave and Danae would tell you that for whatever reason, God has a purpose and a plan for all of this, and it may not make since until we get to heaven.

I will tell you that I don't understand the purpose and plan of moving to Kentucky, but I think that at the end of the 3 years of residency, we will.  I think we will be able to look back and say confidently, THIS is why we moved here, and if we didn't come, we would have missed this.  That is what I am hoping to say at the finish line.  Today though, I am at the starting line and can say that I am sure going to miss all this.  A lot.

Not my will, but yours be done, Father.  And squeeze that sweet baby for me.  We miss her here.

The Match

Today was the residency match.  It made final what we already knew.  We are once again packing everything in a U-Haul and moving.  This time in the opposite direction of Miami.  We're headed North.  Way North.  To Louisville, Kentucky.

It was Tim's top pick of a Residency Program, and the best one that offers the training he desires.  It really is everything we prayed for…except it's in Kentucky.

There is no doubt in my mind that this isn't the place the Lord hand picked for my family to be, but I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't very, very sad to leave Orlando.  Not because of just family and friends, but because of Gracie's school, not being able to enroll her at Circle for Pre-K, my bible study group, the WARM weather and everything we enjoy here.  And yet, I am so thankful we have a great program to go to.  Many people didn't get the programs they were hoping for, or one at all.  

There is still a lot to process and I am still in denial about us really leaving.  But today, it was more final.

I'm excited to see what kind of Doctor Tim starts out as and then what 3 years of great training will do for him.

Let's pray this super cold winter was only this year.  I need flip flops in my life.

Olivia June Danae Woodall

Dear Olivia,

Your momma and daddy had to do some hard things the last couple of days, did you know?  Did you know that while February 10th was the best day of your life, it will probably go down in history as the hardest in theirs?  You surprised the world with your entrance into our hearts and they will never be the same.  You did that, little one.  

I've always thought that I wanted to be like your mom when I grew up.  Her faith inspires me, her heart encourages me, and her authenticity is a breath of fresh air.  She trusts the God you're playing with so much, that she gave you back to Him the first minutes of your life.  When things were uncertain and scary, she did the hardest thing us momma's can do. She trusted His heart when she couldn't trace His hand.  She didn't know what the days would hold, but she begged for your life and healing because she wanted to love you here.  

You came as a fighter, and you fought for the glory of the Creator who crafted you in His image. Nothing about you was a mistake, Olivia.    Nothing about the 13 days you were here surprised the Lord although it took our breath away.

You may have only weighed 5 pounds but you had weight in this world.  You were a fiery arrow, on a mission to change the Woodall tribe.  And sweet girl, you did.  Friends and family flew in to see you, pray over you, and steal some snuggles.   You have two superhero brothers and you, sweet girl, are a super hero too.

I wish more than anything I can say I got to look into your beautiful eyes, snuggle your beautiful self and pray for you in person, but know this.  You are loved.  Deeply.  Completely.  Eternally.  

My baby Hope was in Heaven waiting at the gates for you, I just know she was.  And it brings my heart comfort to know you are best of buddies, having tea parties and playing dress up.  Your mommy and daddy will be ok.  They ache.  They sob.  They long for you but that just means one thing.  They loved you deeply.  You were created by God for Heaven, and although your 13 days were much to short, I am so thankful He let us borrow you for those days.  

I wish more than anything that I could honor you on Friday but just know, you've changed me.  

I love you Olivia June Danae Woodall.  You are in our hearts forever.
Aunt Lis

Ansley Joy

My precious girl is here, and we're in total love with her.

Alive!

Imagine.

You are Mary Magdalene.

The first person to see Jesus alive.

It is the most amazing moment in all of history.  The Savior is Risen.  Alive.

With Easter around the corner, I just wanted to remind you--He is Alive.  Risen.  Risen Indeed.

Oh, thank you Jesus!!

This is my new(est) favorite song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3kZ4cE-akw

2013 is going to be a good year!

2012 is over, and now so is January 2013.  At times, it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around how fast time goes by - and then there are times that I feel like it just drags on.  Am I the only one?

It’s no secret that 2012 started extremely sad and heavy hearted for us.  “Happy New Year” turned into a pre-op appointment with a D&C scheduled for the next morning.  

Those were not resolutions that I had penned in December. But ultimately, my Creator did, and I am thankful He knows what is best. Even on the most painful of days.

The last three years have been nothing but full on growth for my heart and my trust in the Lord.  Moving from my comfort zone to Miami with a 5 month in tow was not something I wanted to do. I was convinced it was going to ruin my life, my marriage, and my heart.  Boy, how wrong I was.  

Moving has since proven to be the best thing for our marriage, my heart, and our life.  I fully know and understand what scripture talks about when it says, you should leave your father and mother and be one with your spouse.  In many ways I had. But, in ways I didn’t realize were even possible, we have grown together in our move to Miami.  It was me, Tim, and Gracie.  Because she was only 5 months old, all she provided was sleepless nights, a momma's heart bursting with love, and the cutest chubbies to pinch.

I am confident that this is why I didn’t have any close friends here for the first year.  God wanted Tim and I to rely only on each other and stick like glue.  Now, looking back, I am glad that the stickiness was His plan.  I can’t imagine where we could be with the stresses that have happened since that first year here.  And I thought that was hard, HA!

We were pleasantly surprised to find ourselves pregnant in October with a baby due the day Tim took his first set of Boards.  Then the excitement turned to pure nightmare.  I started erasing the weeks leading up to my due date from the calendar and, well... just throw the whole calendar out because it was written in pen, “DUE DATE!” 

In the days following the news that we would not hold that little girl this side of heaven, I was convinced that this right here was going to destroy my heart.  How could good come from such pain? How could something really hurt this bad? 

Let me just also say, I am absolutely convinced that if you have not walked this road, you can. not. know. the. pain. I won’t pretend I know the pain of a mother burying her new born, or 5 year old from cancer - but it is a taste, a taste I never desire to experience again.  

But!

God, in His amazing love, faithfulness, and grace, showed up in those darkest of days and carried me.  Met me  at my worst... in my tears and angry fits of rage. With tears in His eyes, He simply whispered, trust me. I know... But trust me.

Some days I did that a lot better than others. And other days, well, I just told Him I couldn’t.  And  yet, He still met me.  Never left and just kept whispering, trust me, Lis.  This will be good.

To think about my miscarriage and  a blessing is something I still can’t utter... but on the other side, the growth that came from it has been good.  So good.  Such a blessing.  I am convinced that suffering takes you to a place where nothing else can. And, if you let it, fertile ground is laid for the Lord to sew seeds that can turn into beautiful, strong Redwoods.  

I shouldn’t be surprised that I didn’t realize the growth until December 16, 2012.  Two days after the year anniversary of that day.  I was looking at a pregnancy test turn from one pink line to two.  And while I tried to catch my breath, a million thoughts ran wild in my head.  Oh God, thank you.  Thank you for this.  Thank you that for this split second, you and I are the only ones that know.  Thank you, thank you.  

And then a strange thought that I was not expecting...And Lord, if it brings you glory, you can have this one too.  

Those thoughts came and went as I turned to go find Tim.  I am pretty sure I walked around in shock for a few hours.  No, I know I did.

It began a constant and daily practice to not let Satan steal my joy, cause I tend to be fearful and anxious about EVERYTHING.  A lot of days, I cry all the time. (holy pregnancy hormones that I forgot about!)  Other days I throw up all the time.  And still others I find myself saying, Thank you God.  But do what brings you glory.  Even if that means... well, you know.

THAT is how I know there has been growth. The very thing that has caused my heart the GREATEST pain to date, has brought the Father glory and brought me to a place of total surrender of my wants and desires.   These children are His, and I am just a vessel to get them here, raise them to be warriors, and teach them how to be sold out for Him.

Today, we are thrilled to report that I am 12 weeks! We have had a sonogram where my sweet sisters that went with me to the hospital to see no heart beat, were able to come and see a very strong heart beat.  It was so healing to my heart to replace that old memory with a new one.   Today, I had my first pre natal appointment and was able to hear the heart beat through the doppler.  Oh what a glorious sound! 

We would love and appreciate your prayers as we walk out the next several months.  A lot of big changes are coming for Team Graeser in 2013, including a move, a Doctor on externships all over the country, and a baby joining our tribe in August (While Dr. daddy is scheduled to be in Texas!)

  God is good, and we are so thankful for how He already knows all the details that make me want to have an anxiety attack.  Even in all the changes, I can still sense His calm whisper... It will be good, Lis.  Trust me. 

This is the video of telling our family and friends through a power point...Tim was explaining his externships and where he would be each month...and then he got to August! :) 

365 days

Sometimes music just says it all.  My heart hurts.  I've listened to this on repeat all day.

Training Two's...

There were 4 big goals I had for my big girl this year.  She has achieved all of them while amazing me along the way.

Potty training and saying goodbye to her beloved paci were the most recent two.

She got potty training faster than I thought was possible.  She doesn't like to be dirty, wet, or have a drop of anything on her clothes so after the first few times of being soaking wet, she became very aware of her body.

But with no diapers comes having to wake up in the middle of the night to go potty.  She hates to wear pull ups and when I try to put one on her, she proudly proclaims, "I don't want to wear that! I am a big girl!"

There are sometimes that pull ups are easier and a must.  ie: Aunt Lee's house with no water proof mattress... periodically, accidents still happen.

I've been told to choose your battles...so the pull up one doesn't get fought while she is awake...after she falls asleep, I put it on over her clothes.  Sneaky, I know.

Losing her paci was tough because I felt like she had to learn how to fall asleep all over again.  In the middle of the night if she lost it, she would just find it and put it back in her mouth and go back to sleep.  Now between no paci, and potty breaks in the middle of the night, we are up a lot some nights.

With all these new changes her sleep is interrupted which makes for some grumpy and tired days.  On top of being two.   Some call it the terrible two's, but I prefer to call it the teaching two's.  Or the teary two's.  Because lets just be honest, there are a lot of tears from her and ME!

Her favorite naughty thing to do it jump on the couch and for the life of me, I can not figure out why she does not understand that 1. when she falls off (which is often) she gets hurt and comes to me in despair on why the couch would hurt her.  2. we sit on the couch, or lay on the couch.  We don't stand or jump on the couch.  But it is still a daily battle if she will choose to obey or disobey.

I would be lying if I told you I wasn't OVER discipline, training, teaching and being consistant.   It is exhausting.  Tim leaves at 5am and sometimes doesn't get home until 8:30pm.  I find my patiences runs out way before then.

I don't want to be a grumpy mom.  I don't want to be a mom that is loving and nurturing from 9-5 but heaven help you after that.  I don't want to be like the card I saw recently that said, I woke up as Cinderella and went to bed a Cruella De Ville.

Gracie is changing physically, emotionally and even spiritually.  Her sin nature is more evident than ever.  But now is my chance to mold her heart.  Now is the foundation on her attitude, life and how she makes good decisions.  And quite frankly, that is extremely overwhelming.

I am thankful for the encouragement of moms that have traveled through the two's before me.  My sister was here this weekend and her reassurance that its all NORMAL was so comforting!

I've chosen to stay home most days instead of partake in play dates, or run errands because we are in such tough training.  But this season will get easier, and for now, "I am doing a great work, and I can not come down."

Be encouraged Momma's!  It's all Normal! Or so I am being told :)

Heavy Heart

Since Wednesday my heart has been really heavy for a precious family in our life.  It came to light that our Pastor from Orlando resigned at our church because of an extramarital affair.

It is times like this when I lay face first in front of a BIG and loving God and beg him to wrap His arms around the Hunter family.  

Because they are well known in Orlando, the media has gotten a hold of the story...people that do not like him or his family have gotten a hold of it, and then there are those that love them deeply and support them.

It makes me incredibly angry the things that people have had the nerve to say.  

Let's be really clear.  He is a man.  A sinner.  Who yes has made terrible choices, but that doesn't make him any different than me or YOU!  

He is wearing his sin on the outside now, whereas my sin is still hidden.  

My sin and your sin grieves the Father just like Isaac's does.

The fact that people can say intentionally mean and hurtful things about someone that is just like them makes me crazy!

As a Christian woman, wife, friend and mother, my heart breaks for them...and the judgement that he will get from the Judge will be enough.   Ours isn't needed.

We are not immune to Satan's schemes, temptations or lies.  He is the deceiver, and that is his job.

There are 3 kids that miss their daddy terribly.  A wife that has more questions than I am sure she knows what to do with, and a pastor, husband, father, son, brother and friend who is being tormented by Satan.  

Pray for them.  Beg God to intervene and save him from the grip of Satan's bondage.  Pray for him.  Pray that he will grab hold of the truth, and it will set him free.  Pray that he will remember "there is a God that is absolutely crazy about you".

Summit Church was build on Jesus Christ.  Not any man.  And because of that, Summit Church will thrive and bring Glory to Christ alone.

I am sure none of the Hunter's will read this, but if they do, know you are loved deeply and prayed for continually.  

Scraps

My grandmother is an amazing quilter.  There have been many quilts made and gifted to me and my family.  Each one is a treasure, and different than the one before.

I enjoy quilting myself.  I find it frustrating to do without the expertise of Grandma, but with the help of YouTube tutorials, I have survived.

I made this quilt for my dad out of my Nana's clothes.  That made me smile, and remember a lot of precious memories with her.  What makes the quilt are the memories that go with it.  Her Blue Blouse with the paint brush that always had a tissue in it.  Her white keds, her house slippers, and her red and white heart dress in the very middle.  That is what she was buried in.  She also wore it for Christmas and other special occasions.

I made this Christmas tree skirt for my mom and dad last week.  I loved praying for them the whole time I cut, pieced and quilted it together.  All the fabrics are different, and that reminds me of my very large and different family.

As I was cleaning up and organizing my quilting stuff to go back in the closet until the next project, I was about to throw out a big bag of scraps.  I felt like the Lord whisper, "dont waste it".

Waste it?  It's just scraps I thought.  Surely nothing of use could come out of this pile of trash.

But as quickly as I thought that, I had the urge to look through it to see if I did piece things together.  I wondered if I could make some 6x6 inch squares.

I don't like throwing things away or being wasteful (thats thanks to Nana and my Dad), especially if something beautiful is only a few hours and a few yards of fabric and thread away.  I began to piece, praying silently.

Wondering who it would be for, or what it would look like in the end.

Scraps.  I am a scrap.

I wonder how many scraps I have thrown away that really could have been used.  

I sometimes wonder how many truly beautiful things I've written off as trash.

As Gracie slept this afternoon, I stitched, and this is what was on the other side of that bag of trash.  

This trash now has the potential to bring joy to someone, keep someone warm, or just remind me-that my scraps complete something.  Without them, without me, God's masterpiece wouldn't be complete.  

There is something freeing about knowing that you can be used even with your trash.  

Be encouraged friends, God has a beautiful and elaborate plan for you...and those scraps. 

Sunflowers

Gracie and my mother in law planted sunflower seeds at the end of August.  Within a few days tiny sprouts we're desperately trying to get their head above the soil to see the sun.   They were fragile but determined.  It astounded me how quickly and how much they change daily.

Gracie and I have loved watering them every most mornings and watching them get bigger.  

Since the weather has gotten more fall-like, I have been doing my quiet time on the balcony, and have found myself starring a lot at the sunflower plants.

It's just like God to teach you something through something as simple as a small sunflower seeds that have turned into a plant nearly as tall as Gracie.

I tend to be pretty visual, so when I see something that is struggling because of a lack of water, I wonder.  That's just like me...when I don't feed myself things full of nutrients, I begin to wither.  It's a slow process but faster than you may think.

When a full day goes by that we forget to do something as simple as pour some water on the sunflowers soil, they look really sad.  Begin to droop and shrivel up.   I am sure if they had the ability to   tell me their feelings it would be something like, "You forgot about me!" "You don't care!" "You say you will take care of me but don't!"

I have loved observing how these plants grow and lean towards the sun.  I think that is my favorite part.   They stretch their tiny limbs out and lean towards the good stuff.   

There have been some storms that have come and the wind has gotten pretty strong.  They whip around and just when I think they are going to break, they don't.  Because before they grew up, they grew down.   The roots are deep and strong.  They have done all the work to ensure they are able to withstand wind, rain and even a two year olds torture.

There is now finally a little bulb on the top that is going to be a beautiful sun flower.  I want it to bloom so bad!  I want it to open so I can see its beauty, but currently, it's not ready.  The Maker hasn't said it's time yet.  So I wait.

As I sit and think of the lessons from my sunflower plant, it kind of takes my breath away.  Because I know it is not just coincidence.  It is a whisper.  From the Son, to me, one of His plants, that sometimes feels very forgotten about.

Lessons that even a little green plant can teach you:

Plant yourself in a nutritious soil, free from weeds.  And wait.  

Feed yourself daily.  Every morning preferably.  When the end of the day comes, you won't feel weary, or wilted.

Make sure you are in the sunlight.  Grow towards Him!  Stretch out those arms and enjoy the sunlight! 

Don't get frustrated by the growth time.  Your roots have to grow first.  Growth is happening even if its not on the surface.

When you least expect it, you may see a beautiful flower bloom.  It will make it easier to continue on the journey.  The flowers are the little things the Maker rewards you with...to keep you encouraged and walking on the journey, looking for more flowers.

I want my life to be full of flowers.  Don't you?



The plants have been watered, and so has my soul.  Happy Sabbath Day!

Wait.

Yesterday was a hard day.  Sometimes I get discouraged by the amount of those days that come.  I try to be very intentional, to be thankful in all things and always counting my blessings...and even in the joy, hard days come.  Then I realized, no matter how positive my out look on life is, this world is full of sin, and until I am reunited with my Father, those days are going to come.

One year ago I conceived a baby that now resides in heaven.

Be still and know...

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

"After a miscarriage, you are very fertile...I think you will be pregnant in no time"...

2 months.

4 months.

6 months.

Wait.

"I feel like your thyroid may be enlarged, lets get that checked out to see if that is normal."

Wait.

"You are a new patient?  Ok, our first available appointment is in 7 weeks."

Wait.

"All of your blood work is normal, and your thyroid appears to just be how your thyroid anatomy is, but we will do an ultrasound to rule out any disease.  In two weeks."

Wait.

"Thank you for your inquiry and desire to be a Foster Parent, unfortunately you do not qualify at this time."

No.

I do not know or understand why the answers keep being wait and no.

It's hard to have the capacity and desire to love on babies...even other people's babies and not be given the chance.  It's even harder when the doubts come that He is holding out on me.  Punishing me.

I usually fight those pretty good..but you can only fight for so long before you need a break.  And just need your sister to cry with you on the phone.  That was yesterday.

Sometimes the pain is just to remind us that this isn't our final destination.  The ache and disappointment is real.   And deep.   But since you can only feel one emotion at a time, I will choose to desperately, intentionally and whole heartedly choose to see my days with Gracie as a gift.   I refuse to look back over the most fun years of her life and have regret.  Because what if God doesn't bless me with anymore children?  What if she is my one and only...I will enjoy her.  Color with her.  Do check up's all day long.  Draw on big cardboard boxes, do crafts, swim, and play hide and seek.

I am in a season of waiting.  But I won't sit around and wait.  I will do and be.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

A letter to myself

Read about the book and the challenge to write yourself a letter. 

Dear 16 Year old Lis,

You are young, and at a vital crossroad in your life.  This is fertile soil you are laying, and it will determine your life in the next 10-15 years.  Ponder your path choices carefully and make a decision with your head, not with your heart.  Your heart is deceitful about all things, you will soon find out.

If I could take you to Twistie Treat, I would beg for you to understand some things.

Your dad does know what he is talking about...He is wise and loves you more than you can imagine.  He is going to have really hard conversations with you.  The sooner you come to understand that he is not trying to ruin your life, but give you the best one possible, the better off you will be.  No boy stands a chance to your dad.  No matter what boys tell you.  Promises will be broken, and your heart will shatter, but your dad will not change.  He will remain steadfast, begging God to reveal to you what is right, true, and good.  Don't be afraid to blindly trust your dad.  He is trusting His Dad on your behalf.

You will clash with your mom.  Often.  She does not understand all your emotions, but she will be one of your best friends and greatest role models later.  Learn.  Read what she reads.  Watch her habits and rituals.  Find your place, and meet your Father there daily.  You will fear the conversation that will come after the breakup, but those words will never come... "I told you so" won't cross her lips, she will hug you tight and just whisper, "I am so sorry!"  Inside, she will be celebrating, because she knows that in the next couple of weeks, through counseling, you are going to find yourself.  Lies are going to be undone, things are going to come to light, and you are going to understand God's goodness in not giving you what you prayed for.

Friends come and go, but your sister is in a whole different league.  You will think you won't ever be able to have a relationship with your sister while your in the midst of your darkness, but fear not, young soul, she will be your greatest ally and biggest cheerleader.  She will also tell you when you are seriously out of line and are just being a big brat.  You will watch her family grow from one precious girl to 4, and you will love those children like your own.  You will have a sister that is a Mother of Many Nations, and a hero to three little girls that she rescued.

The man of your dreams IS out there.  You will meet him after hours of weeping before the Father and giving up your dreams, asking Him to make them new.  Little will you know that 7 weeks later you will be engaged and on your happy way planning a wedding.  But in the midst of the excitement of planning the wedding, don't forget to plan the marriage.  Be intentional.  Begin laying the foundation of what your marriage is going to be built upon.  Because it gets hard fast, and if your foundation is not built on Christ, it will crumble.  You will see.

Life at 16 is hard, but it's even harder at 28.  At 28 you will have grown more than you realize.  Don't be overwhelmed.  Focus on baby steps.  Don't beat yourself up for being "ultra emotional", embrace it.  It is how you were crafted, and if your family didn't need you in it, God wouldn't have placed you there.  But there you are.  Smack dab in the middle of a big, loud, loving family.  The creme of the Oreo.  The sweetest part.  The heart of it, if you will.

Choosing joy and fighting Satan will be a battle you have to fight daily.  Keep fighting.  It does matter.  Be tough.  Get dirty.  Fight.  There is only one of you, and this world needs you.  You feel like you don't have anything to offer, and fail more than you succeed but each day that goes by is one day closer to eternity.

Don't hold everything in. Or anything back.  You might not get tomorrow.  People you love may be taken away.  Your heart will break in ways that you still don't understand or comprehend how it is going to work for the good, but He says it will.  He doesn't lie.

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.  Find your life long friends and feel safe.  Be you.  The you that was created to bring Glory to the Father alone.

Love,
28 year old you.

My family.

There is a really big tribe that I am a part of.  The Woodall Tribe.

Growing up, they were my first friends...and now my cousins are still more like siblings than cousins.

I never realized that a lot of families are NOT like mine--I always assumed that everyone was as close to their cousins as I was...

There are a lot of things that the Woodall Tribe does.  Some good and some not so good.  Like for instance, we are not very good at keeping secrets.  Some have a harder time than others.  But like grandpa always used to say, "I have 11 grandkids, and only one of them is retarded".

I won't leak who the big mouths of the family are...depending on who you ask, they may say I am one!

Grandpa died before he ever told us who the retarded one was.  Of course, at some point, I am sure it was each of us!

The Woodall tribe Prays.  And we do that really well.

Yesterday, the golden gates of heaven were flooded as we each were on our knees begging for God's mercy and grace for Isaac and Esther.

There was not a lot of information immediately, just a lot of tears.  Isaac had been run over by a van and was being air lifted to Boston's Children's hospital.

What?! How? What happened?

Oh, God, please...be near.  Hold him.  Breathe life into his 4 year old body.

He was conscious and screaming upon being put in the helicopter was the next update.

Oh, God, thank you!  Keep kicking and screaming, buddy!

Most of the day yesterday we all cried.  But in our deep cries, we prayed.  And so many other people did as well.  This was the body of Christ in action.

Broken ribs, lacerated spleen, bruised lung, and head injury.  ICU was in his near future.  But Oh, God.  Thank you!

Thank you for the pictures of that sweet boy- thank you that he is awake.  Thank you for those tubes.  Thank for ICU.  Thank you that His daddy is with him now.  Thank you for grand dad and watching Thomas the train.   He is alive.  What a miracle.

I love what my cousin Esther said, "Doctors say he was really "lucky". I say its only the Lord that could spare my son's life today."

 Oh, with all due respect Dr. taking care of Isaac.  If you could know the God we know.  If you could understand that this had nothing to do with "luck"... But mercy, grace and the hand of the GREAT Physician!

My prayer is that Isaac reveals that to the Dr's while he is visiting.  That there is no doubt when that boy is discharged.  May that Dr. know he is watching a miracle walk out his door.

Prayers are still needed.
Isaac's recovery will be a long 2 months.  Please pray for a speedy and complete recovery.  Little pain, and strength for his mom and dad as they care for him.
Esther- her elbow was run over by the tire.  She is in a lot of pain.  Please pray for rest and full recovery so she can keep her house up and running.
Mike- he is a full time seminary student.  Pray that he can keep up with all his work while keeping his family up and running.
Oliver- is 2 and a boy! And just wants Isaac to play I am sure!  Please pray for his little heart while all this goes on.

We are SO thankful for the gift of Isaac and his little life.

If this isn't a picture of the Father's Love, I don't know what is.

THANK YOU for your prayers on my family's behalf.  God is good all the time!

Half way...but maybe not?

August was the two year mark of packing up a U haul and getting on i 95 and crying the whole way to Miami.  I wonder if it is something I will always remember.  It is pretty much stained in my mind.  Saying "goodbye" to my dad, mom and sister...pretty much one of the hardest days of my life to date.

This morning I woke up at 4am when Gracie came in asking for juice and I couldn't fall back to sleep.  The words of my mom played over and over in my mind as I was laying there. "If you are up, get up, and meet with Jesus".  So I did.  

Last week we celebrated Tim's White Coat Ceremony.  It was a great celebration.  Every medical school is different and some times they give the students their white coat when they start school, and some get it half way through.  It is kind of like a graduation from the classroom and the beginning of being in the hospital.

They said at orientation if you get your white coat, you will graduate.  Can I get a hallelujah?!  

They also said that the first two years are the hardest.  Since we have not done the last two years, I can't say I agree...but I love the word "easier".  

So far its been pretty hard.  Mostly because really big decisions have to be made.  

In the midst of one of my can't-stop-the-tears sessions yesterday, He spoke.  

Either you trust me Lis, or you don't.  Just follow me.  Walk where I lead.  Go where I say.

Go? He told Jonah to go and when he disobeyed he was swallowed by a FREAKING WHALE!  Not going isn't an OPTION!  I do not want to end up in the belly of a whale! 

Go happily?  Oh that's a different subject entirely.  

If being in medical school has taught me anything it's that at 28 years old, obedience and a good attitude are not always easy.  But necessary...and sometimes I get sent to my room until I can come out and have another chance.

I know what I want.  I know what I think that looks like.  I know the desire of my heart, and so does He.  (I think I make it loud and clear!)

But I can't help but think...what if He does give me the desire of my heart, but it doesn't look like I think it looks like.  

I want to be packing a U Haul and heading back to Orlando for residency.  There are 85-100 applicants for that residency, and they take...wait for it...2.  

2!!!!  

Thats like...well, I can't do math, but NOT a very good statistic for ME.

Good thing God doesn't go by statistics.  Because even if there were 2 applicants, and 100 spots, if it isn't His will, it isn't happening...something else I have learned in medical school.  And I am not the one paying tuition.   

Ask and He will give you the desire of your heart?  I am asking. 

"If you find life difficult because you are doing what God says, trust Him.  He knows what He is doing and will keep on doing it." I Peter 4:19 

Keep on doing it, Lord.  I don't want to miss this.  I want to be no where else but your will...even Orlando.  (If you don't put me in Orlando, can you PLEASE bring my sister to me????)

Pray for us as we seek His hand and His will.  It truly is the desire of our heart to be no where else but exactly where He wants us to be.  I want to go happily.  But sometimes my feet don't get the memo. 

Speak Lord, your servant is listening. 

Books Read in 2012. So far :)

1.  Life Interrupted- Priscilla Shirer
2.  The Meaning of Marriage- Tim Keller.
3.  The Money Saving Mom - C. Paine
4.  The Power of a Praying Wife - S. Omartian
5.  When Life is Hard - J. Macdonald
6.  Jesus Calling - Daily devotional
7.  Beautiful Outlaw - J. Eldredge
8.  Real Marriage - M/G. Driscoll
9.  A Confident Heart - R. Swope
10.  Incredible Toddlers - C. Stratton
11.  Parenting is Heart Work - Dr. Turansky
12.  You're Already Amazing - H. Gerth
13. Through my Eyes - T. Tebow
14.  Bloom- K. Hampton
15.  Enemies of the Heart- A. Stanley
16.  Made to Crave. L. TerKeurst
17.  Make the Terrible Two's Terrific
18.  Grace for the Good Girl- E. Freeman
19.  Love Does, B. Goff
20.  4:8 Principle, T. Newberry
21.  Good to Great in God's eyes -C. Ingram
22.  The Upside down Marriage - J. Keller
23.  Unglued - L. TerKeurst
24.  Mended, A. Smith

Trash

Over the last 14 months, Trash has been on my list of blessings.  Strange right?

My amazing, brilliant and talented real estate broker of a brother in law has a management company that manages a shopping center 25 miles north of us.   He hired us to pick up trash 3 times a week, and we have done it for the last 14 months.  It has been a HUGE blessing to our finances.  And strangely enough, to my heart and growth too.

Since Tim's schedule this semester barely leaves any room for him to even sleep at night, Gracie and I are doing it by ourselves.  It takes a little longer, but allows for some rockin' girl dates at the chick fil a play ground with tea after we are done.

Yesterday while I was wearing my over sized latex gloves, sweat pouring from my brow, pushing Gracie in the stroller while she watched Doc McStuffins on my phone, I couldn't help but think...about trash...about the people that put it there, and about my own trash in my life.

If you spent one day with me at the center, you would quickly realize that a lot of people are being held captive by the addiction of nicotine and alcohol.   It's really sad.  I don't know them specifically, but I do know that they probably don't feel like they can live without it.  Make it through a day.  Function properly.

When I noticed an old, unwrapped McDonald's sandwich on the ground, untouched by bugs and looking like it was "fresh" off the grill, I wanted to gag.  Seriously, if bugs don't want to eat it, WHY do humans?  But... as soon as that thought came, so did another.  Maybe all they had was $1.49 to spend on a meal.  Maybe they feed their babies fruit and whole grain food to ensure their health and are choosing to suffer for the sake of the ones they love most.   Ouch, Lord.

Trash has changed me.  Not because I don't have any, but because I do.   Maybe it isn't thrown on the ground but thrown around in my heart or at the people I love most.   Maybe it isn't a cigarette butt--maybe lack of faith.  Maybe not a beer can, but an obsession about being in control.

Doesn't Jesus do to me, what I do for the center?  Walk around picking it up and saying, "I will take care of this for you?"  

So often we believe the nasty lie that because our trash isn't showing, we don't have any.

Oh the lies that Satan convinces us of:
No one knows.  It doesn't matter.
This isn't hurting anyone else.
I am right, and they are wrong.
Other people agree with me, so this isn't about me.
At least my trash doesn't smell as bad as________.

Friends when we do that, the trash picker-upper walks away--because in a sense, we are saying we can take care of our own trash.  Until it looks like this.  Over flowing.  Not able to be contained.

Everyone's trash looks and smells different.  But don't be deceived.  It ALL smells and looks bad to them.  We don't need someone reminding us of it.  We need someone to love us in spite of it.

This week I have heard many things that have absolutely BROKEN my heart.  Families being tested, mom's begging for answers on behalf of her sick baby, an anniversary of a loved one that was tragically lost, divorce, shame, regret, deep agony because of someone else's trash.

I drove home from the center pondering a simple but profound truth.

I get paid to pick up other's trash, but He paid to pick up mine.  

Not with a simple check that comes to the mailbox every month, but with His life.  Not because of...but in spite of! 

Focus on your own trash.  Not someone else's.  No matter how you think you can justify it to yourself.  Your trash stinks just as bad as theirs.  If I want to be loved through my trash, I have to love through theirs.

Pray for those that you know are deeply troubled.  Beg for God's grace, and direction when you know people feel like they are drowning in trash, maybe not of their own.

Carry their burden to the Father, lay it at His feet, and ask Him to clean it up.  He will.

My two and a half year project

I am an achiever.  It is one of the top "strengths" God cursed blessed me with.  Although I can see the strength of it, I see the weakness of it a lot too.  Too often I achieve something that is not attainable.  I want to achieve my to do list,  to be list, and how you think of me list.

That's why being a stay at home mom can be hard.  For me at least.  I won't pretend that I have done a national survey that says something about 79.4% of SAHM's nationwide feel like...blah blah.  I haven't and to be transparent, that stresses me out.  A lot.  

My very first job was babysitting my niece Lauren when Sarah had to work a couple days a week.  It was fantastic.  I got paid to play and shop with that little treasure.  Which by the way, she is almost 12 and I do not know what to do with myself!  Make. Her. Stop. Growing!

I love to work.  I have worked since I was 14. Because I love to achieve.  I have been abundantly blessed by being able to work from home for Circle while living in Miami, and it has been great.  I get to see my work benefit the school, families and others.  I get to see my hours of work come to life on a website that makes me want to pull my hair out, but also makes me pat myself on the back and say, "I did that!"

Here is what is hard for me.  Being a stay at home mom, I don't feel like I achieve much.

Tim and I went to Washington, DC for a few days last week and Gracie stayed with Sarah and Andrea.  After Sarah dropped Gracie off at Andrea's house she called and pour water all over my dry "achiever" garden.

I got off the phone and just cried.  She didn't have to, and I didn't ask "how have I done" but her phone call just to tell me that she thought I was an amazing mom, and had done an amazing job with Gracie was what I needed.  Because honestly, when I left her with Sarah on Saturday, the fear of oh my gosh, "I am not going to be there for three days and have NO idea how she is going to act," was a very real fear.  I felt like I was turning over my 2.5 year work project to be graded.  Critiqued.  By one of the very best mom's in my world.

Even stay at home mom's can achieve great things.  But a lot of the time they need someone from the outside to remind them of all they are achieving.  To point it out.  To bring light to it.

Who needs your encouragement today?  Who can you tell, "you are doing a great job with your kids".  If they need to hear it as much as I did, it will bring life to their soul, and if nothing else, convince them that they can do one more day.

Be encouraged friends,  The one who calls you is faithful to do it!  I Thes 5:24

Thank you, Sarah and Andrea for loving on my girl while I was gone.  She LOVED being with you!

I'm bothered!

I've been bothered the last couple of weeks, and can't seem to shake it.  

Why you ask?  Well you didn't really, but if you don't want to know go back to Facebook or Pinterest. 

Christmas is hitting stores everywhere and people don't like it.  That bothers me.  Not because I love Christmas, which is absolutely true, but because I love the Christmas story.  

When did we forget that its not about the tree, the decorations or the mile long to do list?  When did we forget that it was about a virgin who had a name, who was scared out of her mind, but who faithfully and blindly followed the angels instructions?  

If we saw a nativity scene set up all year long would we make comments to our best friends or update our Facebook status to read, "Unbelievable!  Don't they know it is only August?!" 

Christmas is one special boys birthday.  Thats all.  And we are allowed to participate in the miracle of it. Even in August.

Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating for all things christmas to be set up in Target all year long, although you will not find me disapproving.  

What would it look like if we really celebrate the Christmas story year round?  Wouldn't it put a smile on someones face?  Can't the Christmas cheer be spread even when you can't walk to your mailbox to get the mail without looking like you just ran a full marathon?  

What would your heart feel like if you took everything about the holidays that stressed you out and only participated in the things that made your heart swell?  Packing a shoe box for a child with less than most American children?  Inviting a friend over for dinner that doesn't have family in the area?  Buying a little something for someone unexpectedly just to let them know you were thinking about them?  Here are some ways!

I want to live every day of my life celebrating the miracle of Christmas and the redemptive love of Easter.  No matter what time of year.  I really want to be changed by the words in Luke 2.  

One of my greatest joys of expecting Gracie was preparing her room.  I organized and re-organized it a million times over.  I would tell Tim, "I got her room perfect today," and the next day it would be different.  

It wasn't perfect.  But He was.  His room was a barn, on top of hay, with animals surrounding Him.  Not with the paparazzi, and every family member waiting for their turn to hold this newborn King.  

I don't like that part of the story.  I don't like that from the very first breath He took on the very earth He created, He was already serving.  

My King was born, in a barn, and died on a cross...for me...and you! 

Don't let that pass you by.  Don't make Christmas anything that it isn't but make it everything it is!  

We then have the audacity to make comments about His birthday and how its "too soon" and "really, already?"  

My feelings would be flat out hurt, and I would just be mad.  That's the difference between me and Jesus.  

What would we be like if we celebrated Christmas more like a King's birthday and less like a Santa filled, commercialized holiday of pretend merriness?

What if we stopped competing with all of our friends to give our kids the best presents on our street and gave the best present away?  Your credit card, and your heart would thank you.   As would the generation coming up behind you and the Legacy you are leaving for them.

I love Christmas, and love every tradition that my parents set up for us as a family.  My most favorite of all, however, is the Luke 2 story.  Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without my dad's booming voice reading those words..."In those days Caesar Augustus"...

Christmas this year will already be different for me.  It will be Nana's first Christmas in Heaven, and the first one in 10+ years that I haven't fixed her Spode dinner plate full of all her favorites.  "That too much!" she would say, but clean off every crumb.  

Do me a favor?  When you see those Christmas decorations hitting the stores nearest to you, don't huff and puff.  Worship.  Smile and sing Happy Birthday to the King that saved you from yourself.  Christmas isn't about you anyways...unless you were born on December 25th and then I have news for you, its still not about you.  

Don't take for granted hearing your hero read the Christmas story, or fixing a dinner plate.  This may the last year for it anyways.

It's the most wonderful time of year!!!